The Art of Being Exact

me: i haven't seen you in like 334983 years
yeaaaah
Cynthia: hookah*
me: perfect
Cynthia: hahaha i know but your a number off its been 334984 mahbel

Turkey Bratwurst?

Me: I´m making Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday.
Aviva: Ooh, what´s on the menu?
Me: I actually wanna make bratwurst.
Aviva: You´re such a bad American.

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Aviva: What's your living situation?
Me: I live with one other person.... It --
Aviva: IT?
Me: Bwaha, no, it, the apartment, has a living room, a bedroom, a kitchen...
Aviva: Oh, REALLY?
Me: A bathroom. Oh, and heat.
Aviva: That's crazy. And I would've thought you'd have a fire in your yurt.


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(after having sat down on the bus)
Me: Oh. I think these are the small seats.
Aviva: They're all small. They're not built for tall people. This is an Asian bus.

Don't Judge

Bub: So, remember when we were making fun of the name Wanda Jackson and were like, "Hmmm, there couldn't be a blacker name for a blues singer." Well, turns out she's white and in her 60's.

Hyperboles?

While having lunch at Javi's parents' house

Javi: (doing some weird shit)
Me: I'm gonna kill you.
Javi: Don't say that, my mom's gonna take it literally. Remember when she had that talk with me about when you said I was gonna kill you for losing the keys?
Me: Mmmm...all right, then I won't kill you... this time.