Me: You know how Ted Hughes left Sylvia Plath for another woman? Well, that woman also committed suicide by sticking her head in the oven. She also killed their daughter.
Lauren: Toxic bachelor.

Brilliant W/out Boobs Cont'd

mabel: finally going to get my hair cut today
ugly: ooh
got paid?
mabel: got some extra cash
ugly: been standing on the corner?
mabel: and by extra i mean it replaces all the cash i spent on the weekend
hahaa
yes, using my boobalicious teacher brains
ugly: LOL
mabel: whoring my curvy intellect
ugly: HA
very nice
mabel: mehehehe
i'm kinda afraid
but i just can't wait to get all this weight off my head
ugly: afraid of what?
mabel: of my new haircut
or, of going to get it cut
ugly: oh, literally
weight
off head
yes it feels great
mabel: haha
a boob reduction
ugly: haahaha
brilliant
mabel: heheheee
i love this new metaphor of ours
it's genius
and i love boasting about my boobs now
ugly: absolutely
hahaha
mabel: i'm a new woman.
ugly: good for you
don't bust your boobs

on overcoming self-directed homophobia...

the ex: you mean all of that girl-on-girl sex didn't help her get over her homophobia?
backup gf #3? (me): no, because nobody else was there. now, if you had had girl-on-girl sex in public, that would be a sign of progress.
the defected: (imitating the homophobe ex-gf) yea, brad, i have something to show you... no, i can't tell you. i have to show you (maniacal laughter all around!)

Lower East Side -- waiting at the crosswalk

White mother to white child: Okay, now we have to wait for the white man.
*Megan and Flo look at each other*
Megan and Flo: BWAHAHAHAHA
*Megan and Flo walk away*

Our Tribute to Aaliyah

mabel: cuz i really need somebody
tell me you're that somebody
ugly: wahhh waaaahhh
mabel: LMAO
::rattle rattle::

I Miss You, Albornoz!

Mabel: I just hate waking up in the morning. A lot.

Javi: Nobody does, I mean do you think I wake up in the morning clapping or something? "Come on, Javi, let's go let's go! Woooo to work!"

------------------------------------------------------

The Albornoz Saga Continues

Javi: Aren't you hot?
Mabel: No.
Javi: ... warm?

------------------------------------------------------

Monica: Tengo un barco y nosotros todos vamos a Filadelfia remando.

"This weekend I was mauled by an unattractive girl."

ugly: i met this girl through a friend
danced with her, no big deal
i was not attracted to her
i just wanted to dance
mabel: hahaha
ugly: in a little while i suggested we go on the platform where other crazy people were dancing crazily
mabel: "let's get that clear."
ugly: lol
yes
thats the key
anyway, not thinking that on the platform, she can trap me in a corner
and she did and i felt mouth all over mine
and i was slightly disturbed and definitely not interested
i backed her up and continued dancing
but then i didnt even want to dance w/ her anymore
mabel: LMAO
hahahaha
ugly: so i said i needed to go cool down
mabel: did she maul you just once
ugly: once or twice
twice
mabel: lmao
ugly: it was true that i was sweatin like nuts
so we went to the bar
tried to make conversation
but she wasn't very interesting to converse w/ either
after a while i went lookin for will
so i could leave
mabel: haha
okay
and she attacked again!
ugly: no
but we passed each other a couple other times as i was trying to leave
'cause will was having another drama-filled night
crying w/ his bf
gawd
i left.