Gross mis-nomers

Mabel: [reading Judy's blogpost entitled "Oh, fat belly"]

I'm so eager to see you again
but I wouldn't ask to see you not because I'm proud.
In fact, in front of you I cede all my pride
yet only if you asked to see me our meeting would be meaningful to me.

Judy: It's a poem by Simone de Beauvoir.

Mabel: Ah, okay. It's beautiful. And it's called "Oh fat belly?"

[Horse laughter]

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At the rent office, on account of my windows which don't close, even when taped shut and barred with a chair.

Judy: Man you paid 80 euros more than me this month.
Mabel: Yeah, it sucks.
Judy: I guess cuz you have a bigger room. And colder.
Mabel: Extra money for a nice draft!

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Frenetic, uptight tourism

Judy: "Okay! Page 5 of the guidebook! This is it this is it!! Okay, picture time now! Let's go let's go! Okay, 5 minutes to buy souvenirs!"

Duck Wings

mabel: why don't you live closer to philly
maggie: how does that help u?
mabel: haha
i was thinking it would help YOU
then i could.....easily come and cook for you...
maggie: riiiiight
mom made me duck wings before i left
she put them in tupperware and i brought them home
mabel: aww
HAHA
maggie: two containers
mabel: see, she's always good for leftover food
when, after x mas?
maggie: no she made it 'specially for me
mabel: aww cute
maggie: two diff flavors too
i had them in my carryon
mabel: hahaha
imagine if they searched you at security
"what's inside yer bag, ma'am"
maggie: and my bag was stalled in the xray machine for a while
mabel: "um, duck wings."
hahaha really
maggie: yea, the guy backed it up
and was looking at it
mabel: HAHA
maggie: for a good couple mins
mabel: he could probably see the duck wing bones
maggie: lol
i just finished eating them too
they were gooooood
mabel: really?
like just now?
not now but, recently?
maggie: yea
i froze'em
mabel: there were that many?
maggie: yea, there were like, probably feet and wings belonging to a dozen former ducks

Brilliant! [Without Boobs]

mabel: my favorite is jenny
maggie: gawd, u are SO 4 seasons behind

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Javi: Do I look like a heater or something?!

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maggie: ok, did u listen to made in the dark?
mabel: yeah i thought that was good
maggie: Tumor Twins Unite!!!
mabel: hahahaha
no first you have to say that bon iver is good before the tumor twins unite

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Ugly: my question is, since my hormones are wreaking havoc on my body on a monthly basis, where are my boobs?
Yo: hahaha
blame mom
or dad
the boobless genes
Ugly: not sure who has them
Yo: both probably
that's why the booblessness is so extreme on our part
Ugly: that sucks
but i guess i'd rather be brilliant
where's the brilliance gene?
Yo: hahaha
oh i thought you meant you were brilliant
well i'd rather be brilliant and with boobs
Ugly: lol, no
oh right
Yo: hahaha
Ugly: B&B
Yo: B&WB
Ugly: BwB
or, you remember Married {with Children} ?
the logo?
Yo: um
yeah kinda
let me look it up
Ugly: it just says MARRIED
with a stamp on top that says with children
Yo: oh yeah i see it now
Ugly: hehe
Yo: is that how it's gonna look like
"BRILLIANT"
"with boobs"
Ugly: BRILLIANT
[with boobs]
Yo: in our case it would be without
Ugly: oh, right
just BRILLIANT
Yo: [without boobs]
it's not fair, sniff sniff
Ugly: we got big knockers for you, right up here (tapping on head)
Yo: LOL
eyes up here
Ugly: LOL
Yo: where the real boobies are
Ugly: yoo hoo! i'm up heerreee!

What Are My Choices Again?

maggie: Three tampons are walking down the street, mini, maxi and super
which one says hello first?
mabel: super?
wait what
what are my choices
maggie: uh
mini,
maxi,
or super
mabel: LOL
maggie: want the answer?
mabel: noo wait
it was b/c i couldn't see the first part of the joke
hahahah
"what was that one in the middle again?"
maggie: why cant you see?
you blind?
mabel: at first i couldn't
all i could see was "super, which one says hello first?"
maggie: oh
mabel: and i was like....what are my choices
lol "uh, mini, maxi, and super"
LOL
maggie: Three tampons are walking down the street, mini, maxi and super
which one says hello first?
mabel: ummm
i''m still laughing at that hahaha
okay let's see
um, i would say super
maggie: lord
you're supposed to just say
i dont know, what?
mabel: LOL
maggie: ruining the damn joke
mabel: okay, i dunno, which?
maggie: none of them... they were all stuck up bitches
mabel: hahahhaaa
niiiiiiiice

megan: why do i know so much about your friends? i've never met them.
cintia: it's 'cause i talk about them all the time -- i think you're my conscience at this point
...
megan: i think you're in trouble.

We Were Too Drunk to Socialize Properly

flo: what did you guys do
mabel: had dinner, went barhopping a bit
i got drunk and made a bunch of phone calls
i called him a couple of times
flo: while he was there?
wait, you went barhopping with him and then called him?
how does that make sense
mabel: haha no, no
LOL
i meant, called YOU

Caguilar: I want to call my mother to complain and say, "Mom, I know you gave me life, but I hate it!"