From when we were young and care-free and knew not the horrors that awaited us:

Megan: If there’s food in that bag, I’m gonna eat it.
M: Mm no, it’s just more bag.
Megan: She’s holding a bag with the statue of liberty holding a bag with the statue of liberty on it. And there’s a banana in there somewhere.

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M: Is she Irish or just magical?

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Megan: You look stone beyond all hell.
M: I wasn’t stoned. I was just dropping science.
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Megan: Why is King Kong here, in the middle of New York City?”
M: Yeah, I know. He’s weird.

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M: To men! And Shane.

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Courtesy of Kirstin: "Put. That. Away.

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M: O my god, I’m gonna kill myself.
Megan: Ok, I’ll lay off on the g words.

M: Gall bladder.
Megan: Not ‘do you have a gall bladder,’ but just ‘are you a gall bladder.’

"Gun-toting.”
“God. Just God.”
“Steak-eating.”
“Umm...steak.”
“Soy sauce smashing.”
“Rancid.”

Megan: Now, it’s your turn June.
June: It doesn’t seem like…they’re good traits.

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Megan: How old was he?
M: I don’t know.
Megan: Well how old did he look? "I dunno."

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Megan: Oh, it’s pretty. It’s like Marie Antoinette. Except with a green sweater instead of hair.


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M: Why does this not look right?
Megan: Because there are buffalos on it.

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FatWhiteKid 264 (3:05:40 AM): you're not a laughing matter
ablefires 658 (3:06:25 AM): nities
FatWhiteKid 264 (3:06:29 AM): your nuclear storage device isn't a laughing matter either, it's badass

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Megan: Oh, I dunno about his souuul patch.
M: What?
Megan: Souuul patch...no honey, that’s his crown of thorns.

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Hillary and mosquito: I can’t believe you wanted to lock me outside with that thing!

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M: So there was this ancient Egyptian Queen, Akasha, you know, who was, like, dozens of years old.

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Megan: What did you say? Sorry, I was too busy hitting on you to notice.

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Megan: You might need it to gouge someone's eye out. Or take out a staple.

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Shane: you need to learn to be more compassionate with things, you pushed that mofo too hard
M: lol
it was messed up!
Shane: yeah, it had a physical disability, and you pushed it hard anyway
no wonder it almost died
M: lmao
Shane: freaking jerk
man, I sure hope I don't come down with some chronic disorder
like you know, gagging when I eat peas and carrots
EAT YOUR VEGGIES, JESUS, EAT YOUR VEGGIES
M:hahaha
Shane: freaking jerk

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Megan: ‘Rebanar.’ To slice.
Me: That doesn’t sound anything like slice.
Megan: Oh. My apologies. I will consult the makers of this language immediately.

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Cherian: Oh, well. I’m just saying. If you know, among your wide array of friends, anyone who knows computers. There are the football players, basketball players...computer geeks.

Nicole: She likes the artsy musician types.

Cherian: Oh. Close enough.

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Pavo iratus (2:56:42 AM): woman
Pavo iratus (2:56:45 AM): wo. man.
Pavo iratus (2:56:48 AM): grr
Pavo iratus (2:56:50 AM): where are all the men?
Pavo iratus (2:56:57 AM): maybe i should walk around nekkid

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ablefires 658 (12:03:22 AM): i'm sure it won’t look THAT weird
FatWhiteKid 264 (12:03:27 AM): lol
FatWhiteKid 264 (12:03:28 AM): it would
FatWhiteKid 264 (12:03:37 AM): I'm tellin you
FatWhiteKid 264 (12:03:39 AM): it's like a fake tent
ablefires 658 (12:05:01 AM): lol
ablefires 658 (12:05:05 AM): oh no, a tent
FatWhiteKid 264 (12:05:11 AM): lol
ablefires 658 (12:05:12 AM): with light inside
ablefires 658 (12:05:19 AM): it must be an alien
FatWhiteKid 264 (12:05:37 AM): but on a couch
ablefires 658 (12:06:14 AM): on a couch
ablefires 658 (12:06:19 AM): an alien on a couch
FatWhiteKid 264 (12:07:39 AM): you're so getting popped upside the head
ablefires 658 (12:08:23 AM): lmao

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Megan and the Superbowl: O my god, i don't care, go have sex AFTER the game, you guys are all homos.

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"La ropa de mi mamá es...tan antigua como ella.”

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Megan: You could go out there and no one would notice. Well, not with your pants kilted up to your uterus like that.

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M: What are you doing?
Megan: I’m getting ready for a C-section, just like Bearly.

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Megan: Ralph Fiennes is single.