Poker Face

ego: y'know, so many people, who aren't nerds like us, don't know lady gaga is really from the upper east side--

bun: --that she's a JAP

ego: and hiding her big jewish nose--

bun: --under her big penis hair

Gay black Tuesday headliners

Gay black teacher: So kids here usually get to choose between religion, and another class called "valores," which is really just religion in disguise.

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Gay black teacher: "He told me don't go there." What's wrong with this sentence? Well for some of us there's nuttin' wrong with it.

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Girl: Do students usually watch videos in class?
Gay black teacher: You remember back in the day, when the good kid would be sent off to get the tv on the roll-y cart? No tvs on roll-y carts.

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Gay black teacher: So I had to teach the kids about photosynthesis and about plant reproduction, and the kids are all like, "Pero profe, las flores se juntan??!" and I'm like no...the plants don't have sex.

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Gay black teacher: Oh and remember it's all British English. So when they ask you for a rubber they're not asking for a condom. The first time they asked me "Have you got a rubber?" I was like....they make 'em in your size?

pride parade.

Me (very seriously): I was reading in the Times that more kids are coming out now in middle school. Even in conservative areas - and lots of new chapters of GSA are being formed in these schools. But some parents protested 'cause they thought the schools were condoning homosexuality, so they tried to get the students to change the name of GSA to --

Bun: -- Glee Club?

Americans in Madriz

Embassy guy: Yeah, so it's curious when you experience these kinds of exchanges...I've always learned Latin-American Spanish so it's always been interesting to compare different words for things. For example just the other day, I said I was "aparcando mi carro," and people were wondering why I still had a horse-drawn carriage.

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Embassy lady: So yeah, you gotta be careful, because these pickpockets are slick here. I mean when I was in Rome, they were throwing ketchup out of trees! Just unbelievable, some things... so when ketchup falls on you, don't look up, just keep your belongings very close to you.

Teef, and Teeth: How to Lisp Properly

Javi: Yeah, my dad gets tired because of the morfina they give him.
Mabel: Morfina? Morcina?
Javi: Morfina.
Mabel: Morcina o morfina?
Javi: Si, morcilla. They inject morcilla up his ass.

(morcilla = traditional Spanish blood sausage)

All-powerful and omniscient Google is the Be-all and End-all

Allison: haha
u know when u type on this chat thingy
i can see 'mabel lee is typing"
Yo: yeah
Allison: i thought it said mabel is le typing
Yo: LOL
Allison: i was like how did GCHAT KNOW?!

The Adventures of Bub and Ugly

Yo: need to go buy toilet paper, pronto!
brb
Ugly: SNORT!
ok

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Ugly: omg
snorting rampage
it sounds like a pig farm
Yo: LMAO
hahaha
you guys are so mean
wait what was that other funny nickname
besides lambshank
Ugly: cancer
deadweight
Yo: nope
Ugly: michael flatley
Yo: HAHA YES!!

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Ugly: ahhhhhh!!!
pig farm!!!

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Ugly: ok
you need at least 2 cookies
1 is kinda weird
Yo: HAHA
but i do want a cookie
Ugly: suuuuuuuure, that's allllllll you want
Yo: haha
a big soft chocolate chip cookie!
Ugly: mehee hee
Yo: LOL
git yo' mind outta the gutter!
Ugly: i can't i'm in too deep!!

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