The Art of Being Exact

me: i haven't seen you in like 334983 years
yeaaaah
Cynthia: hookah*
me: perfect
Cynthia: hahaha i know but your a number off its been 334984 mahbel

Turkey Bratwurst?

Me: I´m making Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday.
Aviva: Ooh, what´s on the menu?
Me: I actually wanna make bratwurst.
Aviva: You´re such a bad American.

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Aviva: What's your living situation?
Me: I live with one other person.... It --
Aviva: IT?
Me: Bwaha, no, it, the apartment, has a living room, a bedroom, a kitchen...
Aviva: Oh, REALLY?
Me: A bathroom. Oh, and heat.
Aviva: That's crazy. And I would've thought you'd have a fire in your yurt.


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(after having sat down on the bus)
Me: Oh. I think these are the small seats.
Aviva: They're all small. They're not built for tall people. This is an Asian bus.

Don't Judge

Bub: So, remember when we were making fun of the name Wanda Jackson and were like, "Hmmm, there couldn't be a blacker name for a blues singer." Well, turns out she's white and in her 60's.

Hyperboles?

While having lunch at Javi's parents' house

Javi: (doing some weird shit)
Me: I'm gonna kill you.
Javi: Don't say that, my mom's gonna take it literally. Remember when she had that talk with me about when you said I was gonna kill you for losing the keys?
Me: Mmmm...all right, then I won't kill you... this time.

Raul Weekend Headliners

Lost in the Labyrinth

Raul: Wilson???? Wiiiilsonnnn! Gagan????? Bwaha, imagine if suddenly we hear (in Indian accent) I'm here! I'm here! Take me out of this place please!!

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Me: Oh, Great Wizard, reveal to me the time!!
Raul: It's......10 o'clock!!! Sharp!!


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About the Dutchess of Alba

Raul: You know, I actually think she is already dead. Someone's just behind her making her talk like a puppet.

Javi Tuesday Headliners

Me: And then?
Javi: (in faux french accent) There is no and then! After and then, it´s the end of the world!

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Javi: Did you see that fish that was like hovering at the bottom?
Me: Yeah, that was the sea cucumber.
Javi: No, I'm not referring to the cucumber.


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Javi: You made 2 good decisions for us today...ordering the Menorquin pizza, and not staying in the cave. (Javi had suggested taking shelter in a cave on the beach while it rained and everyone was leaving.)

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At dinner

Javi: Are you gonna finish that? (zoned out pause) Hey you know I feel like watching a movie about the Second World War.


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After putting away the laundry

Javi: Geez, what am I gonna do with all these clean clothes??


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For the fifth time

Me: So, the first funny quote was "I'm not referring to the cucumber," and do you wanna know what the second was????
Javi: Omg, what a nightmare! No, I DON'T want to know!
Me: I know you're dying of curiosity.
Javi: No, I can assure you I'm not!

Lady Gagan

googlyga: bo!

me: googly!!
lol so, there´s this really annoying indian we met last week whose name is gagan
we met him through some other friends and we hung out and the whole group exchanged numbers
so, he had been calling javi this weekend, and javi didnt´pick up

googlyga: BAHAHAHAHAHA

me: then, one morning javi was like
"how did gagan get on my skype?? did you add him? did he stalk me on facebook??"
bahahaha
and i was like um...that´s megan.
he was so confused and worried hahahaha

googlyga: gaaahahahaha
i love it

me: bwahahaa
i was cracking up

googlyga: i told you! everyone who i meet whose name is gagan is someone i hate. and a man.
syntactical trouble with that sentence somewhere, but you get me.