Thursday Ugly Liners

(while watching Les Mis)

Me: And there's Helena Bonham Carter, playing...herself.

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Me: You're listening to..best songs ever on Radio Bub.

::starts playing song:::

Ugly: This is one of the best songs ever?
Me: Due to 100% listener demand, this song has been stopped.

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Ugly: "I am the tewwa that flaps in da night!"
Me: That's Batman's motto?
Ugly: No, Darkwing Duck!
Me: Oh, I was gonna say...I hope someone realized how ridiculous that sounds.

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Me: You can even take a course on Astrobiology. Although I wonder who the hell would take Astrobiology in their free time.

Ugly: I would, if I had free time.

Me: I would maybe if I had like a million hours of free time.

Ugly: It could be interesting. What was that again, Astro what?

Me: :::gives incredulous look:::

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(while working silently)

Ugly: I like reading aloud to myself.
Me: :::gives look::

Of Cats and Babies

Me: George is 76 years old! He's like a senior citizen who has no manners. Always begging for food.
Ugly: Yeah, he has no inhibitions anymore.
Me: And Pela too. She's like an old woman.
Ugly: She's a cat lady!

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Me: (waving over baby's head)
Ugly: (looking at doorway) Who are you waving at?
Me: The baby! He was looking up in the air.
Sam: Yeah, I thought you were waving at someone over there, too.
Ugly: I thought you were waving at Helen.
Helen: (from across the room) I even responded.

All he wrote in the message was a thousand x's and o's

(looking at old school photo on fb)

Ugly: That's you?
Me: Yeah, it doesn't even look like me.
Ugly: Who's Cat Kat?
Me: I dunno, some girl from school.
Ugly: Oh. There's "Roo Woo." Who's May Maybelline?
Me: Bahahaha.
Ugly: Lol, what the hell is up with these names?

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 Ugly:  still home?

 Sent at 4:38 PM on Monday

 Ugly:  george, is that you?

are you on the computer?

dang cat is on the computer again.

(later)

Ugly: He was writing to his penpals.

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(stepping on Zoey's bone)

Me: Ahhhhhhh!!!! 

Ugly: GWAhahahahaha.

Me: Dude, that bone is a hazard to humans!!

Ugly: She's plotting our destruction!

Scary Movie People Problems

(watching confusing Korean horror movie)

Dad to Killer Stepmom: Stop it. I'm tired of this.

Me: Stop killing my children. I'm tired of you always murdering them.

Finally, GasX and Chapstick

(drinking wine)

Bugly: Mmm, this wine is so good. Why didn't we open this yesterday? It's so refreshing.
Sam: Yeah, it is good. Doesn't even taste like I'm drinking wine.
Bub: (picking up and looking at GasX ingredients label)
Sam: Baha, you're like, "Hm, how does this pair with GasX?"

Not ALL of that was me.

Ugly: Bahaha, this was the search history on this iPad: get rid of gas and bloating fast, causes of gas and bloating, gangnam style, obama battleship, what to eat before a race.

More Adventures in Absurdism

Ugly: do u get emails from Catbook?

7 minutes

1:58 PM me: lol yes

  why

2:00 PM loll the question should be...why is catbook emailing me.

 Ugly: lol

  they sent an email with subject:

  want to see the oldest cat in the world?

  i'm like, oh man, i do....

2:01 PM but i dont want to click on this email

  cuz i have to work

2:02 PM me: lolll yeah i got that too

  LOL

  i didn't really wanna see the oldest cat in the world...must be gross

 Ugly: hahhaha

  is it....

  alive?

 me: LOL

  okay let me click on it

2:04 PM lol it's a 39 year old cat named lucy

  damn she's living longer than most people

 Ugly: omg

 me: i hope george lives that lon

  g

 Ugly: is she meditating in the photo?

 me: lol noo she looks kind of disoriented though

 Ugly: hahahaha

 me: lolllll

2:05 PM she looks healthy however

  omg this is yet another absurd convo

2:06 PM Ugly: lollll

  now i want to see this cat

2:07 PM me: lolll

  it's just a head shot

  well plus it's body

  part of its body

2:09 PM Ugly: hahahahhahhaa

  'She appears to be the genuine article.' A spokesman for Guinness World Records said there was no entry for the world's oldest cat.