Vacationing with John

John: (pointing at guy with a trolley) See that noise? I just want it to shut the fuck up
John: It came from the depths of the bowels of the toilet...it sounded like luggage being rolled on the sidewalk but never going away!

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Mabel: Do you snore?
John: Ever so slightly.
Mabel: I'll just put a pillow over your face.
John: Awww, that's not nice.
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Mabel: "Don't get yourself run down now."
John: Hehe...now what were we talking about there?
Mabel: ... you only say that every time I cross the street.
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"What does it do for your shaggability factor?"
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John: You have a bigger chest than that girl over there, look... oh wait..that's a man.
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Mabel: (in the doorway of hostel room preparing to run into the bathroom) Ahhh John there's someone coming! I look like a banshee!

John: (monitoring hallway traffic) It's the Picadilly circus. Ok, now GO GO GO!
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John: Since you didn't get your balloon, would you like an ice cream instead?

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John: Is that your shagging list?
Mabel: Yeah. No, SHOPPING list!
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John: We'll have to re-evaluate the situation, re-calculate the number of stops, the time it takes to get there, what we're going to do with the extra time spent on land.
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High prices for sitting down

Mabel: (sits down as we enter a cafe)
John: We made the mistake of sitting down again... You sat down AGAIN, ya bitch!
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John: (about his camera losing battery) Oh put it back in before it goes!!
Mabel: *snicker* That's what SHE said...
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Learning Spanish
John: "Do you fancy a shag?" Eh, mas o menos. "Is that mas or menos?"
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John: Mabel Mabel Mabel! The hot Asian cafe's right here! You just walked right past it!
Mabel: Okay, okay, we'll come back later geez... "Red alert! ALERT!!"
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John: We were asking him in stereo for the dessert menu.
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Mabel: You never told me THAT before!!
John: MABEL, I just told you three times in the last five minutes!!!!
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John: She's not my girlfriend, she's my secretary. We're just here for a cheap dirty weekend, but I'm still gay.
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Mabel: I've got quite the solid thighs.
John: It's like that cuz your jeans are just tight. Once you take them off they'll be normal...... whatever normal might be.
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Mabel: Last night some people accidentally came into our room. That means anyone can get into anyone else's room!!
John: (with magic fingers) OOooooOOOoooohhh!!! OooooOOoooOoh!.... Do you know this because you've actually done it? (always making a right instead of left exiting our room)
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Mabel: Tell the story again about the chocolate.
John: What story about the chocolate?
Mabel: John you just told it 3 minute sago! This is worrisome.
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Mabel: Say it again, say it again!
John: Say what again?!
Mabel: Um, don't remember.
John: Well if you don't remember, how do you expect me do remember?
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(talking about "Milkman Ernie" song in Benny Hill)
Mabel: But...why is his name Ernie?
John: I don't know why, Mabel!!! It's just the name in the song!!!
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Mabel: I can't believe that oversized leprechaun...
John: Oh, Seamus.
Mabel: You knew his name?!
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(about square sliced sausages)
Mabel: But...are they actually square or do they have rounded edges?
John: YES, they are SQUARE Mabel!
Mabel: But...what do they do with the extra sausage that they cut off?
John: ...Cut WHAT off??