it's an adjective!

While playing Catch Phrase...

Pam: This is word is a girl's favorite color
Mindy: Pink!
Pam: Okay it's the adjective of this word.
Mindy: Pinky

Allison: I thought that was a noun...

The Olden Days

Will: Don't you remember those Omega-3 pills I sent you? Like, for memory enhancement?
Marianne: Wait, wha...? I dunno....what are you talking about. OHHHH, those pills!
Will: Obviously I should've sent her more.

-----------------------------------------

Marianne: Oh yeah! And the best ones were like the hologram sticker ones.
Me: I remember one time when I was in grade school, this guy randomly came up to me and was like "I'll give you 3 dollars for that Sailor Moon Card!" And I was like uhhhh, this is weird...3 dollars, that's like 12 bags of chips from Tuck Hing.

-------------------------------------------

Marianne: Wait, you bought slammers??
Me: No, I WON them! In our pogs competitions!

---------------------------------------------

Will: Yeah, the lunch we had in our school was awful. Then some days, like every Tuesday, they'd have milkshakes that were like 3 dollars, so we just had to buy them cuz there was nothing else that was good.
Marianne: Oh, 3 dollars, so that was worth either 12 bags of chips or one Sailor Moon hologram card.

Rapper Misnomers...

Javi: Didn't Sara say she lived near 52-Cents or something..?
Bub: Bwahahahaha - you mean 50-Cent. Has there been inflation or something?

-----------------------------

Will: (about translation of orchestra program) You could've just told us it was like some hiphop show.
Javi: Yeah, like it's a concert of Snoopy Dog.
Bub: Bwahahahahaha....

The Saga of the Shanties Continues

googlyga: i have so much i want to talk to you about!
me: yayy
googlyga: i am still eligible for the immaculate conception, however.
lol
me: HAHAHAHAH
googlyga: hahahaha
just in case you were wondering.
me: that, we always have to have clear before any serious convo

A New Word Everyday

Me: But, I mean like, some people have a genetic weirdness...
John: Hmm, genetic weirdness, I see that this conversation is getting serious.

---------------------------------

me: le bye!
lol that was abrupt
bye!
Ugly: yea
abrumpt
lol
abrupt
me: haha, abrumpt indeed
Ugly: lol
you're so abrumpt
me: hahah
what does it mean
Ugly: mm
me: frumpish and abrupt
Ugly: means you're yes
fat and abrupt

Le Plague

Ugly: So mom was like, "Tell your dad to come to room 432! Oh, and tell him to go home and feed the cats! They're hungry!"

----------------------------------

Ugly: (on speakerphone on Skype) You should tell Javi to take the test, too.
Bub: (turning around to Javi) Haha, hi Javi, wanna take a TB test??

----------------------------------

Me:(whispering in yoga class) We're gonna go shopping this weekend?
Susie: What?
Me: We're going shopping on Saturday?
Susie: We're gonna make a kosher meal...?

CL's alive and kickiin'

googlyga: lol
yes, so i had to pull out all of my repressed evil
me: hahahah
as far as i'm concerned it's not that repressed
googlyga: gahahaha
true.
also, poem of the day: ew!
ravi f-ing shankar should stick to being a musician
and old
me: HAHAHA
i was JUSt gonna say..
a lot of these recent poets on poem a day should stick to their day jobs
how do these people get published
googlyga: i don't knoww!!!
it's been sucking pretty badly recently, the potd has
me: yeah it really really has
googlyga: it's as if they're trying to raise awareness of how terrible modern poetry is
i keep archiving the poems immediately
me: hahaa
i have enough things on my plate to read a bad poem a day
oh and the one called "from Tanka Diary"
googlyga: OOOOOOOMGgg
i read it as "tanaka"
me: hahahha
googlyga: and went a little hysterical before i realised what it really said. after which i read it and became homicidal
me: hahahaha
awww i'm glad i have more things to post on CL now
googlyga: lol like all of the recent poems of the day
me: HAHAHAHAHA

No English Spoken Here...

Professor Layna: (in Spanish) Okay, so you have to go to this page and click on the ¨link¨ -- wait, what´s the Spanish word for that? Oh yeah, ¨enlace,¨ okay, then on your keyboard hit ¨find¨-- wait, why are there so many words in English??

*disappointed

me: i dreamed i got sick from you. i woke up really relieved i wasnt.

le n: like std sick...or just a flu?

me: it was a cold.

le n: oh. *disappointed

i mean

le yay!

*whew

mo:

all of my friends have marginalised identities!
there're my black friends, my jewish friends....megan

love's labour lost

me:

i mean, really, though.
if you wanted a dirty mistress, why would you choose a long-distance one?

racist chicken wings

me: i had wings last night. i went to this trendy little korean place called Crisp. and they had the best wings! they had this flavor called Korean sassy... so good!!!

mo: (misheard) Korean assassin? you might as well go to Harold's (a chicken joint in the hood) and order the basketball special.

"How'm I gonna teach this to a working prostitute??"

googlyga: it's a latex sheath that goes inside the vajayjay?
me: what happens to the sperm
googlyga: it's inside the little latex tube
you pull it out....and then toss it away
me: oh it's a tube shape
googlyga: si!
like a...trashbag lining a bin

Flugtag and Altoids

Bub: Yeah, and me and Kevin got married last night.
Nicole: Ohh, who married you?
Bub: The sperm sculpture.

-------------------------------

At flugtag

Random black guy: Text team 12 to 76855! Team 12! Come on, folks! Git your vote in!
David: My phone doesn't work here.
Random black guy: You have one expensive camera there, and you can't pay your phone bill? You need to pay your phone bill!

-------------------------------

Youri: (offers Allison an Altoid)
Allison: What flavor is this?
Youri: It's bangin!
Allison: Oh, bangin flavor.

-------------------------------

Youri: (offering David an Altoid)
David: What is this? I do not know what this is.
Youri: A mint!


-------------------------------

Youri: What is that supposed to be?
Allison: A cheesesteak.
Youri: A cheesesteak, really? It has a mouth.
Allison: It's hungry.

S&M etc

Bub: Yeah, that's strange. Why is facebook not like...
Allison: Polygamous.

---------------------------------------------

Shane: Dude, it's not funny. She would've like stabbed me and been like "Tee hee, I thought it was kinky," and I'd be bleeding to death and be like "Dude call an ambulance!"

Food Coma

Dan: (after eating a Maoz sandwich) Oh I feel better now.
Julietta: Feel like a person now?
Dan: Yeah.
Allison: I don't.
Bub: Bwahahaa.
Allison: I feel like two people.

---------------------------------

Julietta: He was.... mildly not unattractive.
Bub: Bwahaha.
Julietta: He was like the kind of person who you'd go on a date with maybe once, then have a conversation with, then afterwards make yourself unavailable for awhile...
Bub: So, a friend?

McDonald's Drive-Thru, 3 AM

Ugly: I think we might have to go to the pick up window.
Bub: Wait, didn't our order already register?
Ugly: No, it said "medium fries" instead of "large fries."

----------------------------------

Ugly: I think we need to get into car formation. Ching, you're in the passenger seat. You guys, back there. Nicole, you're on the roof rack.

----------------------------------

Bub: Do you want something?
Jamiel: Uh, no. I still have some dignity left.


----------------------------------

Nicole: (at pick up window, after having complained about going to McD's for 10 minutes) Uh, can I get a cheeseburger with no pickles please.

New levels of CL

Bahaha, I actually did this search on CL:

Showing newest posts with label "going to wake up as a hairy boar." Show older posts

----------------------------------------

me: i must have you know, instead of iming "megan verma" on fb right now, imed "michael zhao" lmao
with "bahahahaha...you must go on CL now!!"
he responded. "hi....cl?"

googlyga: bahahhahahahahahahahahahaha

me: i havent'talked to him in approximately 10 years

And more partying...

(Mom at dimsum is using her own pair of scissors to cut up food)

Bub: She's still cutting stuff up.
Ugly: It's her hand now.
Bub: Mommy scissorhands.

----------------------------------

Christy: Wait, how did you break your phone this time?
Ugly: It drowned. In a bag of water.
Christy: A bag of water? Wait, this is sounding more stupid each time.

----------------------------------

Ugly: So how much weight did you lose?
Nicole: Well, according to my gynecologist...

(cue 10 minutes of laughter)

----------------------------------

Ugly: (about turning off the lamp) You have to hold both balls at the same time and pull.

----------------------------------

Bub: Oh, it's the crappy song that I like.
Ugly: Bwaha...how can you think it's crappy if you like it.
Bub: It's like loving a prostitute.
Ugly: She'd have to be a pretty special prostitute for you to love her.
Bub: Or maybe you're just a special man.
Ugly: Why, yes, yes I am...

----------------------------------

(at 10 in the morning, after partying all night)

Nicole: Ooh, look at the trolley! Can we go ride the trolley?? Oh, cheesesteaks!! Can we go get some cheesesteaks before you take me to the salon??

Ugly: ......I dunno if we have time.

Nicole: Do we have time?

Ugly: No I don't think so..

Nicole: We do or we don't?

Ugly: WE DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Bub cracks her shit up)

Ugly is still in town...

Christy: (after having finished her entire bowl of Pho) So, I"m on a no-carbs diet. Can't you tell?
Ugly: ....No carb left behind.

-----------------------------------

Giant crayon

Christy: Dude, isn't it weird playing with a toy that's taller than you?
Ugly: I dunno, Christy, shouldn't you know?
Phil: Bwahah, you were just setting yourself up for that one.

------------------------------------

Ms. Fitz: And Kevin's always so proud that a rocket scientist was in his class. You know, I noticed on her facebook that she's really into theater.
Bub: Yeah, you know, I think she actually double majored in rocket science and theater.

------------------------------------

Bub: Hasta luego, Javiercito!!
Ugly: Javier frito?

------------------------------------

Ugly: And I always think I run more than I really do.
Christy: ....bwaha you're delusional.


------------------------------------

Christy: This is the book that Ching reads with him all the time.
Ugly: Oh, is Ching learning to read with him?
Ching: Bwahah..look, "FLOWERS."
Ugly: No, Ching, read the word. The word!

------------------------------------

Ugly Comes to Town...

Me and Ugly are sleeping on either side of Norman in hotel bed

Dimitri: (when the light is turned on) Fucking Norman sandwich bastard!!

-------------------------------

Dimitri: (to Vasilis, who's sharing his bed) Shut the fuck up! Or you're gonna get a Greek sausage in your mouth!

--------------------------------

Ugly: I think I'm gonna upload those funny pictures from around the house.
Bub: Um, that's embarrassing. Don't tag me please.

--------------------------------

Ugly: (handing me old picture to scan)
Bub: Um, I don't think I want Ms. Cancelliere to be part of my memories, thanks. (hands picture back)

--------------------------------

After 2 hours of traffic on the Atlantic City Expressway
Bub: (after reading sign) Who would want to sponsor a highway?
Ugly: Who the fuck would sponsor a highway??!

--------------------------------

Bub: Whaat? There's MORE "Sitting on the Toilet"videos?

--------------------------------

Mahjong table as crib reprise

Terry: Your parents play mahjong?
Ugly: Uh no, it was her bed.

--------------------------------

Mom: (giving Dad a half-peeled banana)
Dad: (half of banana breaks and falls into his lap) Hey! How come it's broken??
Mom: Cuz you're waving it around, that's why!!

--------------------------------

Uncle: (to Ugly) So you've spent the last 2 years in spain... you must have traveled all around europe by now...!
Ugly: uh, that was her. (points to empty seat where bub was sitting)

--------------------------------

Bub: Yeah, we used to play all the time.
Terry: Aww, yeah, you guys were so cute back then. What happened?
Bub: We grew up.

--------------------------------

The next time a Colombian hits on you...

Katie: So in Colombia, before they stabbed someone, they'd ask them if their mother knew how to sew.
Megan: Oh, like their shroud.
Mabel: Bahahahah.
Katie: No, like, the holes in the shirt.

Bwahah

Javier: O my god, we've been talking for an hour and 25 minutes.
Mabel: Is this like the longest phone conversation you've ever had?
Javier: Yes.
Mabel: Like, in your life?
Javier: Yes, for sure.
Mabel: Aw, I feel so special.
Javier: I feel so tired.

Bad Handwriting

"the boredom of boobies bumbling"

Shanties

googlyga: it's AWFUL
i read half of the first book
it's, like, not english
read 'Sunshine' by robin mckinlay
i guarantee you will like it
shanty back guarantee =P
me: jajajaja
awesome
don't tell me...
is robin mckinlay the person who wrote
umm..what was that book's name
googlyga: HAHAHAHAHA
or anything else about the book
me: LOL

----------------------------------

me: i feel the desire to attack some of my professors here
with poetic love.
aka, one of my professors
googlyga: BAHAHA
cute.
poetic love as in
loving poeticly
me: mm hmmm
googlyga: poetically?
me: he's from uruguay
googlyga: or love of their poet-ness
ah
me: and he wears the same thing every day
googlyga: hahaha
me: and he's rather like a rustic cowboy
googlyga: he's a nerd
me: who's seen every movie on the planet
and he plays football
AND
googlyga: rustic cowboy = redundancy
me: he is one of the most famous poets in the spanish language
DIES
hahaha
true dat true dat
googlyga: uruguayan futbol player = redundancy

Confusion

me: hi googly
Ugly: i'm not googly
i'm ugly.
me: oh sorry
i mean bugly
Ugly: still stalking teacher?
me: stalking of the day finalized
he got up to look at books and i got up to leave and i said hello
and he was telling me about a book he's writing
and i told him i have to talk to him tomorrow about my essay
the end.

---------------------

Bub: Yeah, I guess we always ate really healthily as kids...There was always rice, veggies, meat, fruit... That's why we didn't get fat.

[at the same time]

Ugly: Yeah, and that's why I'm fat now.
Bub: And I'm still not fat.

Bub: Uh, what did you just say? I think we just said different things.

---------------------

Isabel: Wait, what did you say? What are you writing about?
Sarah: I'm writing about the process of getting a teaching license in Connecticut.
Isabel: Oh, okay. And this is your thesis?
Sarah: No, it's an essay for grammar class.
Isabel: Ohh, okay... I was gonna say, 50 pages on getting a teaching license?
Sarah: Yeah, I would have to write about the process for all the states if it was that long.
Mabel: Yeah, one page for each state.

googly: [humming "Funny Honey"]

bun: what the hell is that? sounds like a trumpet trying to find a mate.

googlyga: how do you spell gullible again?

JayDee: .... I'm not falling for that one

...because I'm gay

Reading profile of Rep. Aaron Shrock in NYT:

"And back in Peoria, well-meaning constituents are eager to play matchmaker.
“Good supporters who have single daughters say, ‘Hey, you need to take my daughter out,’ ” Mr. Schock said. “And it’s awkward....” "

http://gawker.com/5561462/congressmans-outfit-making-gay-staffer-rounds-on-capitol-hill

and it's HAPPY to see you

Sounds of the vuvuzela permeate the living room during World Cup match:

Dad: [from the kitchen] ... is there a fly in the house?

My Non-Life in Twitter Posts

googlyga: i have now a twitter
me: reaaalllyy
googlyga: gahahaha
antithesis of googlyga
me: i have an account, i just haven't updated in like a year
googlyga: but true
ooh i'm gonna follow you
me: hahaha
googlyga: or, y'know, wait another year for you to update
me: follow the non-happeningness
googlyga: i.e., the meaning of twitter
me: LOL

post-pride

JayDee [examining various scrapes and bruises]: I woke up with dried blood all over me and was like, 'did I get hate-crimed???' and then my friend told me I just kept falling over....

Somebody always gets left out?

Kirstin: "We're just experimenting. She's the ho."

kerree: your favorite japanese drama just got picked up for a second season

me: oh hell yes

kerree: i think this is proof that if you're loud enough, the lord jesus will hear your prayers

I is Amelican!

me: you have a long weekend?
Ugly: yea off next mon
u should be too
me: really
let me see
what day is it?
Ugly: um, so this thing happened 200 years ago that's the reason why we're all still here today as americans...
me: hahah
ohhh
Ugly: it's call Independence Day
me: *called
Ugly: yes, called
me: immigrant!
Ugly: foreigner!!!

-----------------------------------------------------

Bub: Wait, you mean you're NOT having some form of dykey barbecue?

Yes, I read your diaries, again

Bub: Well, it's not like it's even all that interesting.

Ugly: Yeah, true. It's just about old unrequited loves.

Bub: Old unrequited lesbo loves...

World Cup Ogling, Edition 438

Julietta: Kick it, cute man.

---------------------------------------------

Julietta: Who needs a boyfriend when you have professional football?

world cup ogling ctd

bub:
haha, wow go ivory coast
now, north korea will REALLY be petitioning for political refuge

dorrie: jia, you're almost ready to give birth and you're still way too skinny

me: oh c'mon - she's just a genetically superior human who doesn't turn into a hippo while pregnant

jia: thanks! i'm going to listen to you instead

me: heh. don't you want to put me in your pocket now??

jia: actually, i've always wanted to do that.

world cup ogling part a million

me: look at germany's Ozil....he looks like a creature.

bun: hey, you're kind of right.

me: isn't it?? he looks like he belongs underwater.

you have no class.

le: are u really still at work

me: gah!

scared me

le: lol

me: you were on my phone, and then i turned around and u were there

why are you le back?

le: im in school now

im typin gon this 35 inch screen

watch what u say

lol

me: lol

what did i tell you before?

you have no class.

le: hence i said school.

Meeting Kina Grannis

le: have fun on ur conceret tonight!

eeeeks

4:53 PM me: excited! in a new way...

6 minutes

4:59 PM le: in a new way?

me: like i'm going to see someone who is famous but is just a regular person...

le: thats like seeing me

me: lol

5:00 PM ohh... is that what i feel when i see you!

5:01 PM le: kind of?

5:02 PM me: i didnt realize i was starstruck but now i do.

6 minutes

5:08 PM le: no worries boo, we'll hug it out.

Static

Ugly: I can't hear you. You sound like Jar Jar Binks.

Speaking of stolen laptops...

Bub: You should put the apartment number on the sign so they'll know where to return it if they do.

Ugly: Hell no! They know exactly where they stole it from. I'm not gonna put the apartment number, cuz then everyone's gonna be rushing to pick up my computer.

I had that same laptop. Seriously no better comparison.

Julietta: there was some awkwardness, we had the just friends talk and lecherous hugs, then flirted for a month and had the just friends talk again, and now he's like a toshiba laptop in safe mode
me: HAHAHAHAHA

Old, Liver-Damaging Times

me: haha man you were DRUNK
no, you wanted to get on the train in the direction we just came on the L
googlyga: Hahahaha. Em....sorry!
Hey, don't lord it over me TOO much, ms. This white wine tastes like water...

Hysteria

me: lol
sounds like a teenage conversation
Ugly: it is
it is!!!
i feel like a total bitch right now
i feel bitchy

------------------------------
18 minutes later

Ugly: pay attention to me!
stop watching tv
BLAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH

Fooding

Shannon: Do you know that the meat they serve in a McDonald's is Grade E meat?
Shane: Grade E. coli

-----------------------------------------

Shane: So one of my friends one time would prank call people and he'd say: "Hi, I'd like a pizza with mushrooms and pepperoni please?" Then the person on the other side of the phone would be like "Uh, sorry this isn't a pizzeria" then he'd say, "Oh okay, well then your large pizza will be there in 20 minutes." And the person would be like whaa? Wait they dialed the wrong number and now I'm getting a pizza delivered?

The Enforcer

Shannon: So one time we were at the mall, and Shane had Spencer over his shoulders and was asking him things like, "Who do you love?" And Spencer would say "DADDY!" "Who's the greatest?" "DADDY!" And Shane saw that people were now looking at him, so he started showing off. "Who's the most fun?!" "DADDY!" "Who's the best?" "DADDY!" Then: "Who's the king?!" "MOMMY!!!!"

Shane: Bwahaha, yeah and I was like, um, let's start this over again...

¨This one is really old and doesn´t work really well, but it was the only one we wanted.¨

Anita: We once went to this shisha place in Hong Kong that had rats, blah blah...
Mabel: Are they really popular there in Hong Kong?
Anita: What? Rats? Or shisha?

--------------------------------------------

Anita: Hm, there´s no smoke. It doesn´t seem to be working.
Mabel: I think it just needs to get going more. It worked the last two times we did this.
Anita: Maybe it gets like even older after the first two times.

Negotiating Powers

Cristina: So did you talk to Enrique yet?
Mabel: No, not yet.
Cristina: ::gesturing curves:: Haha...you must come more sexy.
Mabel: Bahaha, yes. Tomorrow.

GRAH

Ugly: geez
someone is a hungry grouch
me: i'm just sick and tired of waiting around
Ugly: maybe bad reception
me: plus it's been a long day
right, bad reception
Ugly: come on! skype
me: no
Ugly: me ronery
me: i'm tired
Ugly: just eat your dinner and go to bed
me: ok gonna eat dinner now
Ugly: i'm hungry too
gonna eat too
::Mabel is disconnected and has not received your message::
Ugly: fine. we'll just eat separately in our own lonely apartments, connected only by the thin web of the web

Tiger explosion

Ping: It's thunderstorming here
Allison: Really? That sucks! It's really sunny here.
Ping: It sounds like a tire just exploded outside of my door.
Allison: You saw a tire explode outside your door?

Retelling the story of how I thought a tire exploded outside Ping's door to Helene.
Helene: You said you saw a tiger explode? Whoa

5 minutes later in the conversation...
Allison: You have to feel my sister's arms it's sooo soft!
Ping: Yeah i want to feel it but you know you're really building this up so it better be soft
Allison: what building?
Ping: hahha Are you serious? You're dumber when you're at home

tomayto, tomahtoh

JD: {speaking french in an egregious accent}
googly: you sound such a dirty french man
bun: wait...did you just say he sounds like dirty fried chicken?

Fob moment

Allison: im listening to teng li jing on youtube

Helene: LOL her english name is Teresa Teng

Allison: yeah yeah

Helene: dummy

fob

haha

Allison: ho wu kno

hahhahah

Helene: i thought every one knew!

Allison: wow that didn't help the fob statement

Helene: obviously nOT

Your Tipical Tuesday Conversations

Allison: i can't imagine any of the organs being good tasting
especially knowing the functions of what they do
lol
like stomach
and liver
ew
stomachs house other foods and then gets crapped on with acid to get processed
then ppl eat that stomach
yuck yuck yuck
im grossin myself out
me: hahahahaha
then ppl eat that stomach which their own stomach craps on
Allison: hahah yes
it's a relentless disgusting cycle

----------------------------------------

me: i dunno what to make for dinner
give me an idea
and i don't wanna get up to go to the kitchen because it's cold
Ugly: lol
so you need something you can make from your couch
hm... can't think of anything that would be very edible
me: hahaha
Ugly: a woolly booger
me: haha omg i just took a booger from my nose
just as you wrote that
Ugly: ROFL!!!

Brit Misnomers

Allison: lol
what is a lorry
rubber
= condom

Adventures in Dating on the Internets

googly: so, i joined match.com. i am tired of being in love with stupid men. thought i'd do something about it.

kerree: i bet you're going to find someone before i do.

googly: impossible =P

kerree: or, they'll just match us up with each other.

and if you don't stop complaining, I'll mix arsenic in.

me: Holy crap - check out this NYT article on hot springs in Taiwan. I wanna go thereeee!!

kerree: I have some extra bottles of sulphur lying about that I can give you. Just pour them into your bathtub.

the other other english patient

matt [in egregious Southern twang]: you could go on Oprah's show and complain about anything! she'd probably give you a whole lotta money.

googlyga: maybe she can adopt me instead.

matt: ... did you just say you would abduct me??

googlyga: yes. you shall be my desert bride.

grumpiness pays

me: grumbling about boring assignments

the bun: do you want to write this email for me instead? i don't want to be nice to that bitch.

me: sure. anything to get out of this project.

attorney (pokes head into office): whatcha doing on bun's computer?

bun: she's drafting a nice email to this chick because i hate her.

attorney: wow. you know things are bad when you ask megan to word something nicely.

Optimism Interspersed with some "doobie-dahs"

me: i went to get a blood test today, and i forgot to give them my urine sample
Ugly: doobie dah
doobie dah
doobie dah
me: which i had to carry, because you have to buy your own urine cup at the farmacy and bring it
Ugly: ew
me: omg i just spelled pharmacy with an f
Ugly: awesome
hahaha
me: anyway
Ugly: haha
me: so i forgot to give it to them, so i was carrying pee all day
hahaha
Ugly: :D
nice
me: and now instead of complaining that i have to go again tomorrow, i'm thinking how funny it was that i had to carry pee even though it really isn't funny, it's annoying.
lol
Ugly: :)
that is hilarious

------------------------------------

Janet: super sucks though
that u have to go back
dont u have to get new pee
me: haha i know, grahhh
LOL
i have to empty it out...and pee again..
i guess i'll do it again tomorrow morning just to be safe
Janet: so hilarious
me: jajaa
Janet: bc it´s ridiculous
haha
me: jajaj i know right...
BYOP
Janet: HAHAHAHA

Misunderstandings

Mabel: I didn´t mean to say it!
Javier: ...even though you did.
Mabel: Bwaha, I meant to say ¨It smells like Javi.¨
Javier: ...even though you said the opposite.

The Alien Character Card

Monse: How many family members do you have?
Enrique: I have...635 members. But only live with 200.

---------------------------------

Mabel: How old are you?
Itziar (9 year old speaking in alien voice): You'll be surprised. I am 430 years old. What is your favorite hobby?
Mabel: My favorite hobby is playing video games.
Itziar: Oh. I don't like them because all are of me.

I need wallspace for all this artillery

Janet: The thing is, Morocco has really nice stuff, but I would need to have a house to put them in.
Mabel: Yeah, like the carpets,
Janet: Carpets --
Mabel: Or the teapots,
Janet: Like where am I gonna hang this cool sword?
Mabel: Or that.

----------------------------------------------

Janet: Madrid changes so much with the weather. Like today everybody and their mom is out. Literally. Everybody and their mom and their mom's mom.

Rubberbands, pasta, they look all the same to me...

(at the Rastro, looking at a stand full of rubberbands, different shapes, sizes and colors)

Janet: Oh, look, they're selling pasta.
Mabel: Mmmm, they have spinach fettucine. And the orange kind too. It looks really good. That one looks like rubber tubing.
Janet: (touching the tubing) Uhh, I don't think this is pasta...
Mabel: I wonder what kind it is, looks kinda thick and gummy...
Janet: Dude, these are rubber bands, not pasta!

(bwahahahaha)

Sadly, 6-year-olds aren´t the only ones

Cristina the teacher: Where do we live?
Student: A planet!
Cristina: Oh great! And does anybody know what planet we live on? Teresa?
Student: Madrid.

denouement of late-night phone conversation


me: so, i just bought a new skirt! it's bright red.

tar-tar: [long pause] .... what's a yurt.

....Aand it never gets old.

(After finishing a quick lunch)

Ricardo: Mm, that was good. Fast but good.
Mabel: ..... That's what she said.

---------------------------------------

Carrie: ..So I guess I have to do some cardio rather than just weight training. I mean cardio is what makes you actually lose weight right?

Mabel: Yeah, I think that's the idea...

---------------------------------------

Carrie: But it's nice to see him developing and maturing. Maybe in 10 years he'll be a normal person.

---------------------------------------

Carrie: I haven't really seen any Chinese gay people. Like it seems like there just aren't any.

Mabel: My sister knows the entire Asian lesbian population in Philadelphia.

Carrie: Oh, really. Oh, wait, I think I've seen one - !

Mabel: Bwahaha, with binoculars, it was the red-feathered kind...

Who would you save?

Carrie: Was he a part of the nuclear family?
Janet: You mean was he one of the central family members - nuclear family comes from the word nucleus, right?
Mabel: Oh! ... I always thought it came from.. who you would save in the case of a nuclear attack..
Janet: BWAHAHAHA.. we´ll pretend you never said that..

Spanish bocadillo bread, always good for an American joke

Mabel: How am I supposed to eat this? Dude it´s like 3 inches thick.
Melissa: .... That´s what she said.

Re-invent Your Life Using English

(The exercise was to make questions using prompt words)

Enrique: Okay...how much..does....your bungalow..cost?
Monse: Bwahaha, eh...my bungalow costs...3 million dollars. Okay, my turn. How many...people..are there..in the theater?
Enrique: In the theater?
Monse: Yes, the theater.
Enrique: How many people...but theater es teatro, no?
Monse: Yes, how many people are there.
Enrique: (in Spanish) How many people are there in the theater? What theater are you talking about? What people?
Monse: (in Spanish) Okay, you just asked me about my ¨bungalow¨!

thank the internet it's friday

Maggie: internet is miraculously back

jordan: that's cause its time to work! So internet comes back

Maggie: doesnt the internet know its friday?

jordan: that's why it wanders to youtube and facebook for some reason

I´mma be a Ghetto Lady Bug

(while my costume is lying, half-made, on the table)

Javi: We can download and watch ¨Precious.¨
Mabel: Oh yeah, I heard you can download it for free now. Let´s watch it this weekend. I´ve also heard it´s got good --
Javi: That they give you a free Chupa-chup if you download it?
Mabel: Yeah, and a balloon.
Javi: Bwahaha, and a costume.
Mabel: We need to download it NOW.

"Eet's not a dumah," Reprise

Ugly's comment: Hint taken. I'm updating myself on your life now. Chicago's the musical, Gino's Pizza, and lots of Japanese cuisine? It sounds like you're in Chicago...those are a few of our trademarks! You must be living in Chicago's tumor twin city.

More on Old Age

Victor: So, I saw that you're doing this group trip to Salamanca. I wanna join you guys.
Mabel: Oh, um...you know it's kind of more for young people.
Victor: And I'm not a young person?!

Old Age Arguments

Javi: Tiana y el Sapo...qué es eso?
Mabel: La nueva peli de Disney.
Javi: Ahh...y es buena?
Mabel: No, todas las pelis nuevas de Disney son una mierda.
Javi: Ooh, una mierda...un poco de seriedad, por favor.
Mabel: Que? Son malas!
Javi: Malas malísimas...
Mabel: Y TÚ has visto todas o que?
Javi: Si. Todas. Ooh, estas echando humo!
Mabel: Estoy echando a mi novio a la calle.

--------------------------------------------

Javi: Tiana and the Toad...what's that?
Mabel: The new Disney movie.
Javi: Oh, and is it good?
Mabel: No, all the new Disney movies are crap.
Javi: Crap? Come on, let's be serious now...
Mabel: What? They're bad!
Javi: Bad, real bad...
Mabel: And have YOU seen them all?!
Javi: Yes. All of them. Ohhh, you're putting out smoke!
Mabel: I'm putting my boyfriend out on the street.

Spaghetti with a Chance of Meatballs

me: ...so he gets eaten by this rotisserie chicken with no head and a few scenes later, you see the chicken writhing and his head pops out of the chicken, and he becomes the chicken!

becky: wow, that's very zen.

Gross Misnomers

Nancy: So, you know how in Spanish they say ¨teta¨ for breast and you know how they like to directly translate things... I had this 30-some year old student who was talking about his wife breast-feeding, and he´d say, ¨frahm deh teet of deh mather¨and I´m like...uhhhh, that sounds really bad. Then instead of saying ¨tidy¨ he´d keep saying ¨tittie¨ and I just tell him, ¨You know, what you´re actually saying is that your house is a boob.¨

February: blue jeans month at the office

email subject line from manager to all employees: "BJ Day 1 of 28"

"How long is this madlib??!!"

On the Track of Bigfoot

One fuzzy day, our class went hiking along the chicago River. Like all gummy hikers, we were ready for any emergency. In our backpacks, we carried jugs, shrimp, and one stocking.

As we walked along the trail, Ms. Fitz noticed a(n) shiny footprint. “Do you think a(n) fez hat made these tracks?” Ms. Fitz asked.

“No, but let's follow them anyway,” suggested corinne.

We booted for hours. Then I screamed, “Wokka!! I think I see a huge boob.”

“How long is this madlib??!!” we heard someone say. It was Ms. Cancelliere.

“Ms. Cancelliere!” we screamed. “We thought you were a huge boob!”

“Do I look like a huge boob? Well, as long as you're all here, you can help me look for light beams. There are lots of them here along the chicago River. We can take them back to school and study them under our microscopes.”

“How long is this madlib??!!!” everyone said.

CP duh!

Nathalie dancing in the car on the way to the movies
Allison: She's high off something...
Joba: yeah must be all the chemicals
Allison: what solvent were you huffing?
Nathalie: Yeahh seriously man I think all those chemicals are getting to me
Allison: What was it?
Nathalie: CP!
Allison: What is a CP?
Nathalie: Cyclopentadiene Duh!
All of us laughing hysterically

Allison: what nerd balls.

I guess the "en plan" softens the bluntness a bit

Christina: Me preguntó si quería ir a Starbucks este fin de....y le digo.."Uh, NO." Pero le digo en plan...NO.

--------------------------------

Mabel: You know there's a Blood Donation Bus right near Sol.
Monica: Oooh, the Donation Bus. 'Come onto our Donation Bus.' Then they're gonna kidnap you and then sell your organs, haha, that's what it sounds like.

His name was Lestat

Janet: i had this GLORIOUS
vampire dream
me: LOL
did it involve sex
Janet: haha no
but it was like
i was the girl
but then i wasn´t, yano
but anyway
me: lol
Janet: he was hot and in love with me

You mean there's no huge franchise where I can get greasy burgers and bad pizza?

Melissa: So, I told one of my students that VIPS doesn´t exist in the US, and he had this look of... horror, sadness, and confusion on his face.
Mabel: VIPS has such bad food though. It´s like just bland American food. Like, BLT sandwiches, pizza, and really bad Mexican.
Carrie: Yeah, I know. My daughter loves it though.
Ricardo: Did you tell your student that every place in the US is a VIPS?

so, three loud girls walk into an office...

Bun: jauoghuoashgioajgj'a
ego: ??
Bun: that's what you sound like.....
typing.

as opposed to you.

[lessons from an eagle scout about knots]

JD: so this is how you tie a square knot
us: ooooh
JD: it's actually really easy. i can also tie a sheep shank --
us: show us!
JD: -- but it has to be around me.

Unplanned Accomodation

Javi: I planned this all from the beginning, you know. I called the hostel beforehand and told them, "I want a huge private room, please, with 10 beds -- all singles. And I also want a very very steep incline gravel road as parking for my car, so that the adventure never ends."

It's Part of Everyday Vocabulary

Sebas: I read the comments on your friend's facebook wall.
Mabel: ::gets red::
Sebas: Although, I didn't really know what "bahahahaha" meant.

What Does a Chicken Look Like? Reprise

Susie: So, you remembered enough to write it down in the blog, but you didn´t even bother to look up where curry comes from?

miscommunica-shun

me: I've really gotta learn Spanish, man. It's so much funny!!
bun: ...
me: or, I could try mastering English first.

My life is just like that

While watching trailer to "Night at the Museum"

Maheneen: [watching the T-rex skeleton looming over Ben Stiller] Can you imagine that happening to you?

Megan: Yes.

----------------------------------------

Megan: Did you like Slumdog Millionaire?
Javi: Yeah, I did.
Megan: Ugh, we can't be friends anymore. I'm sorry, it's been nice knowing you and all, but goodbye.
Javi: You can say that tomorrow.
Megan: Meanwhile, can I sleep here tonight?