No Internets

googlyga: what is this.
kim jongil is dead.
this is what happens when you don't have internet.

me: hahah
LOLOL
that was SOOOO 3 days ago!

You Know the One

Me: I'm gonna go check to see if they're showing it at Cine Ideal.
John: Is that the one on Calle Doctor What's it...Doctor Zhivago?

Oh Law'

Cynthia, in text message: "Please don't come, I wanna get laid tonight."

Two Days Later:
Guy: Can I come over?
Cynthia: "Please see text from Monday night."

------------------------------------------------

Cynthia: Guys here see us, and they just think we're foreign and exotic and wanna get with us just for fun.

Judy (turning to David): Yes, that's what he sees in me.

------------------------------------------------

Cynthia: oh hell yeah

for sure

im gonna have a glass of wine

me: haha

Cynthia: but not too much cause then i'll say just kidding as i wipe my shit off

A Spade a Spade

In the bathroom of restaurant

Me: "Cepillo de Dientes Masticable" (Chewable Toothbrush)....hmm, weird.
Lauren: ...I'm sure that's just gum.

Nights Out and Banality

Me: Yeah, it's bad to eat cabbage after having fucked a hookah. I mean --!

--------------------------------------------

On the metro
Me: Bwaha, look, that guy has a soap holder in his hand.
Cynthia: ...It's for his glasses.

--------------------------------------------

Excerpts from "Waiting for Godot," enacted by two Asian girls

Me is not played by me in this case

TARA: Well you can pick whom you may fall in love with
6:24 PM me: really.
ok.
TARA: It's a feeling!!
6:25 PM me: i understand that.
TARA: But do you get my point and is that exactly what you said?
me: that's utterly simplisitic
TARA: How's is that
me: yes, love is a feeling
that goes without saying
like you didn't even have to say that
6:26 PM TARA: Yes, when you get that magical feeling inside... That's when you know!

....

TARA: okay
5:44 PM it's not that easy to fall in lov
love
or when
5:45 PM When you do fall in Love you will feel in your heart and soul!
5:54 PM me: omg
how is that different from what i said

...

me: what were you debating about?
all of this was for naught
6:05 PM it makes me a little crazy
it was like so... ... blonde.

...

TARA: Maybe I don't get your point what's your point the fact that you cannot pick and choose who you try to fall in love with, or the fact that it just magically happens when you don't even know it!!
6:34 PM me: i dont even understand the difference of what you just said.

...

TARA: There is no difference between what you said and what I'm saying but it is my view is my opinion is how I view it so really I just want you to understand my POV
5 minutes
6:54 PM me: the banality of this conversation is probably what irks me the most. that we had it and there was nothing provocative to say about this subject.. is what i'm just really... like ok. why did this even happen.

The Art of Being Exact

me: i haven't seen you in like 334983 years
yeaaaah
Cynthia: hookah*
me: perfect
Cynthia: hahaha i know but your a number off its been 334984 mahbel

Turkey Bratwurst?

Me: I´m making Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday.
Aviva: Ooh, what´s on the menu?
Me: I actually wanna make bratwurst.
Aviva: You´re such a bad American.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Aviva: What's your living situation?
Me: I live with one other person.... It --
Aviva: IT?
Me: Bwaha, no, it, the apartment, has a living room, a bedroom, a kitchen...
Aviva: Oh, REALLY?
Me: A bathroom. Oh, and heat.
Aviva: That's crazy. And I would've thought you'd have a fire in your yurt.


------------------------------------------------------------------

(after having sat down on the bus)
Me: Oh. I think these are the small seats.
Aviva: They're all small. They're not built for tall people. This is an Asian bus.

Don't Judge

Bub: So, remember when we were making fun of the name Wanda Jackson and were like, "Hmmm, there couldn't be a blacker name for a blues singer." Well, turns out she's white and in her 60's.

Hyperboles?

While having lunch at Javi's parents' house

Javi: (doing some weird shit)
Me: I'm gonna kill you.
Javi: Don't say that, my mom's gonna take it literally. Remember when she had that talk with me about when you said I was gonna kill you for losing the keys?
Me: Mmmm...all right, then I won't kill you... this time.

Raul Weekend Headliners

Lost in the Labyrinth

Raul: Wilson???? Wiiiilsonnnn! Gagan????? Bwaha, imagine if suddenly we hear (in Indian accent) I'm here! I'm here! Take me out of this place please!!

--------------------------------------------------

Me: Oh, Great Wizard, reveal to me the time!!
Raul: It's......10 o'clock!!! Sharp!!


--------------------------------------------------

About the Dutchess of Alba

Raul: You know, I actually think she is already dead. Someone's just behind her making her talk like a puppet.

Javi Tuesday Headliners

Me: And then?
Javi: (in faux french accent) There is no and then! After and then, it´s the end of the world!

-------------------------------------------------

Javi: Did you see that fish that was like hovering at the bottom?
Me: Yeah, that was the sea cucumber.
Javi: No, I'm not referring to the cucumber.


-------------------------------------------------

Javi: You made 2 good decisions for us today...ordering the Menorquin pizza, and not staying in the cave. (Javi had suggested taking shelter in a cave on the beach while it rained and everyone was leaving.)

-------------------------------------------------
At dinner

Javi: Are you gonna finish that? (zoned out pause) Hey you know I feel like watching a movie about the Second World War.


-------------------------------------------------

After putting away the laundry

Javi: Geez, what am I gonna do with all these clean clothes??


-------------------------------------------------

For the fifth time

Me: So, the first funny quote was "I'm not referring to the cucumber," and do you wanna know what the second was????
Javi: Omg, what a nightmare! No, I DON'T want to know!
Me: I know you're dying of curiosity.
Javi: No, I can assure you I'm not!

Lady Gagan

googlyga: bo!

me: googly!!
lol so, there´s this really annoying indian we met last week whose name is gagan
we met him through some other friends and we hung out and the whole group exchanged numbers
so, he had been calling javi this weekend, and javi didnt´pick up

googlyga: BAHAHAHAHAHA

me: then, one morning javi was like
"how did gagan get on my skype?? did you add him? did he stalk me on facebook??"
bahahaha
and i was like um...that´s megan.
he was so confused and worried hahahaha

googlyga: gaaahahahaha
i love it

me: bwahahaa
i was cracking up

googlyga: i told you! everyone who i meet whose name is gagan is someone i hate. and a man.
syntactical trouble with that sentence somewhere, but you get me.

I need to be on facebook

Steph: Did you know that Rachel's engaged?
Daniya: What? How come everyone here knows? Congrats Rachel!
Allison: It was on facebook
Rachel: It was like two weeks ago too..
Daniya: Oh Ok Tonight I will make a facebook account. No wait, tomorrow I will make a facebook account. Tonight I will drink!

The Age of Hacking

Evil Spambot, to Megan: Hi googlyga what have you been up to? Do you want to make some money with me? Reading this store will be the best thing you've ever done! I thank God that I found this opportunity! http://t.co/u3KV1EJ

Megan's response:

arre, you jerk, your account has been hacked!

bahaha, the first two lines sound kind of like you, though. nicely done, internet spambot.

OBX Headliners: All Play and No Work

Kayaking

Brooke: You guys are always trying to be ahead of us!
Bub: ... We're not "trying."

-------------------------------------------

Ching is doing charades for the word "wheelchair"

Phil: Skiing! .... Crippled skiing!
Someone else: Wheelchair!
Phil: See, I was right!


-------------------------------------------

Me and Ugly are playing pattycake with our feet in hot tub
Phil: This is like, Special Olympics pattycake.


-------------------------------------------

You Just got Phil'ed

Bub: Oh hey Chris, still not asleep?
Chris: Yeah...I decided I was gonna take a break from the debate.
Bub: Hehe, Hurricane Phil just struck...again.
Chris: Yeah, specially when I faced it ALL BY MYSELF last night.

-------------------------------------------
Taboo

Richard: Okay, um....this is a Thursday in November.
April: Thanksgiving!
Richard: Okay, yes, and on that day, what do we celebrate?
Ching: Pilgrims!
Richard: YEAH!!

My mom is not a FOB

On our way to NYC via Greyhound bus and bus driver makes an announcement

Bus driver: Welcome aboard the Greyhound Bus to New York City. Now does anyone know how to get there? I don't have a GPS

everyone laughs and I look over to mom to see if she understood.

Ally: (In Chinese) Mom did you understand what the bus driver said?

Mom: (In English) Yes I am no F.O.B.

The Chinese Don't Hug.

Brooke: Does your dad ever ask questions about me? Like "why's she trying to hug me?"

Hurricane Humor

Me: (reading NYTimes article) "Ugly people could be allowed to seek help from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and other agencies in overcoming the effects of discrimination. We could even have affirmative-action programs for the ugly."
Ugly: ...I guess the first step would be admitting it.

-------------------------------------------------

::Watching footage on tv of fallen tree in Northeast Philly::
Ugly: ...That's not like, right outside our house, is it.

-------------------------------------------------

::Watching scary movie scene of girl getting wrapped up in shower curtain like a turkey, struggling, managing to pop her head out, and throwing it off her::

Bub: "Ladeedadeedah, gonna put my clothes on now."

Har har

(reading Chinese food menu)
Brooke: What´s Hong Kong style noodles? "Beef Juicy Ho Fun."
Maggie: Bwahaa...Can you just read the entire menu, it's kinda funny

------------------------------------------------

Brooke: "Bwaha..." That's like how you guys laugh online.
Maggie: Yeah, cuz it's like..busting out laughing.
Brooke: I like HAHA! in all caps.

Flo Tri- Annual Reunion Headliners

Bo: So this guy stopped me on the street today and was like "Hey!" and I was like "Uhh, hey." Then I kept walking and he was like "Hey hey!" And so I turned around and was like "Oh, hey..."
Flo: Bwahaa, uh, was that really actually the conversation? "Hey," "Hey", "Hey hey!" "Oh, hey"...
Bo: Bwahahaha, well almost.
Flo: That was like, no substance at all.
Bo: AKA, hitting on people.

-------------------------------------------

Beer´ed out

Bo: So I woke up in the middle of the night and was really thirsty so I went into the kitchen to drink some water. I just took whatever glass and poured Brita water into it...and as I was drinking it I was like...this tastes like beer, did this glass have beer in it??


-------------------------------------------

Flo: Bwaha, can´t believe you crawled into my bed right after I left.
Bo: Yeah I was kinda tired of being in fetal position all night.

Birth-day, Literally

Ugly: Is it my birthday yet? Yay, it is!
Bub: Happy birthday!! Now you´re....let´s not talk about it.
Ugly: Bwahah, well, I´ve been aging backwards since I´ve turned 30..so now I´m actually 28!
Kat: Yeah, there´s gonna be a big party for when you turn 16 again!
Bub: Oh yayy, sweet 16!!
Ugly: And a HUGE Party for when I crawl back into my mother´s womb!
Bub: Bwahahahahah! How old would she actually be?
Kat: 60.

I am the gay, cont´d

Mabel (in running attire): Like my gay hat?
Allison: Haha..yeah. Is that like an actual running hat?
Mabel: Yeah, look. Pride runners 2011.
Allison: Ohhh, it´s a REAL gay hat. I thought you were just saying it´s gay hahaa.

Hipsters, etc.

Youri: Yeah, the other day my friend was talkin about hipsters and I was like, what is a hipster? And he said, you know, I don't know how to explain, they're those people, they ride bikes....And I was like I ride bikes...Then he's like, and they wear shirts...and I'm like, I wear shirts.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Youri: You guys know any smoke tricks?
Mabel: Like, making rings?
Allison: Yeah how do they do that?
Mabel: Just like this ::makes smoke-ring-blowing motions::
Youri: ...that's what she said.


-------------------------------------------------------------

Allison: How would you even quote that on CL.
Mabel: I dunno, it's just one of those you-had-to-be-there moments, I guess.
Youri: You could definitely take a picture of it. Or you could even make a GIF, with two pictures.
Mabel: Oh, can you make GIFs?
Youri: I'm not that talented.

Amazon Cats

Koka jumps onto table

Ugly: Hey! What do you think this is?!
Bub: Do you think this is the jungle where you came from?
Ugly: Bwahah..
Bub: This is only a little bit better than the jungle where you came from.

Misnomers, Cont'd

SnoozieQZ: did you know "ingle" means groin in spanish?
Mabel Lee: yep haha
SnoozieQZ: I found that out by accident
I meant to write ingles
sometimes I google translate what I write on facebook out of curiosity, because I know someof my friends do that
Mabel Lee: haha
SnoozieQZ: well google translated what I wrote as "I will no longer talk to you in groin"

Le Summertime

After Graduation

Cynthia´s mom: Ohhh, you speak Spanish?

Later:
Matt: No, I got that stick and wore those ridiculous robes for nothing.
Mabel: I actually got my Master´s in Wizardry and Parcel Tongue.

--------------------------------------------------

Bub: Okay, so what would you rate this song?
Ugly: A four.
Bub: Really? Nah I'm gonna give it a three.
Ugly: ....Does my opinion count at all?

--------------------------------------------------

Bub: So uh, do you know that Jackie is coming on Friday? Why did you invite her?!
Ugly: Ugh...I don't know WHY I did. I mean, she'd been wanting to hang out for awhile now, so...
Bub: Well, is she as bad in person as she is in texts?
Ugly: No, she isn't as bad in person, really.
Bub: Yeah, cuz in person she won't be able to text us.

Le Chicagoooo

Nina: Okay, way to go...that thing.

---------------------------------------------

Voldemort: How do you live with yourself?
Lucius Malfoy:...I don't know.
Me: With Voldemort you even have to answer his rhetorical questions.

---------------------------------------------
Scattergories

Me: Okay, so, boy's name?
Dan: Wait what? I did list 4, not 2.

2nd round

Me: Okay, famous female?
Mel: Marilyn Monroe
Me: Aww man, I have that too!
Dan: .... I thought you said "N." I'm not very good at this game.

Later

Me: Hobbies? I have "moshing."
Mel: Masochism.
Dan: I have nudist.

---------------------------------------------

Nina: I wonder if I can actually use flatulence as an excuse for calling out of work.
Me: Maybe you can try going through all the "f" excuses. What else was there? Fire. Or faint. And "freak." Uh yeah I can't come into work today, I'm just a freak.

---------------------------------------------

Both of which are honorable aspirations

me: talk about convo remembering skillz!
which will def. land me a job in the world of conversation remembering
Allison: HAHAHHA
or writing books on CL

Life with Ally

Allison: You should have a kid so I can play with it!
Mabel: Why don't YOU have a kid so I can play with it?!
Allison: Well...why can't I play with yours first!
Mabel:... That's what she said.

-----------------------------------------------------

Mabel: Yeah Cuzco is at about 3,000 meters up, so we had really bad altitude sickness.
Van: Ahhhhh, wow okay.
Allison: You use meters now?! You European.
Van: Haha yeah, I'm like yeaahhhhh I don't really know what you're saying, but, sounds really high.


-----------------------------------------------------

Mabel: We should go to New York together!
Allison: Yeaahhh, we should! So, you guys are going to the beach?
Susie: Oh, I'm going you wanna come with?
Mabel: Wait, when are you going?!
Susie: .... I'm going with you on Friday!
Mabel: Ohhh....thought you meant New York!

-----------------------------------------------------

Ally: You should write a book.
Mabel: Nooooooo, it's hard...
Ally: Write a book about Cordially Lucifer.
Mabel: Bwahahah, I'll just compile CL into a book... and sell it on Amazon for like 1.99


-----------------------------------------------------

Mabel: All right, I'm gonna a take a dip into your cherry ice. Ewwww, that just sounds wrong!
Ally: Ewwwwwwwwwww!
Mabel: Okay, I'm gonna...put my spoon into your cherry ice.
Ally: That doesn't sound any better.


-----------------------------------------------------

me: http://cordiallylucifer.blogspot.com/2011/07/life-with-ally.html
oh wait i have to add one more thing
Allison: obscene water ice quote?
me: YES hahahahaha

Getting ready for the gym

Allison: Me liking that movie doesn't make me stupid, it just makes me..enjoy the movie!

---------------

Bub: Preppin myself for the gym tonight. Aka sitting on my ass.

Man it was so hot out today, sweating my face off

Ally: Yeah I can imagine

I'm barely even moving and starting to sweat. I drank so much water again then hopped on the scale. I think I gained like 3lbs in just water.

Bub: hahah

yeah man... it is not agreeable weather

Ally: ooff

I feel slow and heavy and fat

haha this is how I prepare for the gym.

I get fat and then go.

Adventures in Pheely

Ugly: They should make cars especially for old people.
Kat: They´re called buses!!

-------------------------------------------------

"Thanks for the wonderful submission, we'd love to see more work like this. So, keep submitting, Stephen Schultz! And uh, maybe you write poetry too? And tell your friends!"

-------------------------------------------------

Ugly: (doing impression of nerdy white guy karaoking off-key) Janie got a guuuuuunn.....dog day's just beguuuun.... Man it's painful singing like that, let alone listen to it.

-------------------------------------------------

Can you tell we're bored

Ugly: Why don't they make fans that rotate 360 degrees?
Bub: It's called air conditioning.

-------------------------------------------------

Cynthia: she said she had dated men and women but has never had sex with a woman
im like riiiight
me: lol
Cynthia: but you "dated" a chick
me: "that's so hetero of her"


-------------------------------------------------
Bub: (flipping through channels) What the hell? Why is there a Bible channel? What are they doing?
Ugly: Talking about the Bible.
Bub: This guy's actually cute, what a shame. He sounds like JT.
Ugly: He probably wanted to be on MTV. But instead he settled for the Bible channel.
Bub: Bwaha.
Ugly: And that other guy's ugly. He should be on the radio.
Bub: Bwahaha. He's not that ugly. I'm sure someone wants to do him.
Ugly: Yeah, like the women or men who watch this channel.

-------------------------------------------------
(at the pool)
Bub: Geez, that fat guy's always in the way.
Ugly: Yeah, he's just like walking around.
Bub: He's like waddling in the water. He's probably trying to lose some weight.
Ugly: Well he's gonna have to waddle a bit faster if he wants to lose weight.

Everyone needs one of those at some point in their life

Ugly: Oh, myyyy.
Bub: What?
::looks at picture of fat ugly person on fb::
Ugly: Brooke's always been telling me about how ugly her ex-girlfriend was, and this is the first time I've actually seen a picture of her. Not only is she ugly, she's a total crazy bitch.
Bub: What?? Why did she even date her?
Ugly: She said she had to fill a void in her life at that point.
Bub: She had to fill the ugly girlfriend void?

Meatbooks, cont'd

Bub: Is it a new singer this time?
Allison: Mm, yeah, before it was the guy with the beard. I mean the other guy with the beard!
(all the band members had beards)

--------------------------------------------------

Bub: Mmm, you know what I want, a proper delicious brunch.
Allison: ...It's 10:30 at night!
Bub: Not NOW!

Le Bugly

Ugly: Could you write a poem without adjectives?
Bub: Mmm....I once had to write a poem without e's. That was hard.

--------------------------------------------

Ugly: Oh, look. That curtain still looks like it wants to murder you.

--------------------------------------------

"Yo madda so fat....daaaat, when she jump faw joyyyyyy..she got stuck!"

--------------------------------------------

Ugly: I'm ugly, not bugly.

--------------------------------------------

Ugly: Hey, maybe we should do challenges like that too, poem without e.
Bub: Mmm, I think we should get an audience first.
Ugly: Pwahaa... "Anybody? No e? What about r? Audience choice! Let's take a vote! ::silence::"

Vacationing with John

John: (pointing at guy with a trolley) See that noise? I just want it to shut the fuck up
John: It came from the depths of the bowels of the toilet...it sounded like luggage being rolled on the sidewalk but never going away!

--------------------------------

Mabel: Do you snore?
John: Ever so slightly.
Mabel: I'll just put a pillow over your face.
John: Awww, that's not nice.
--------------------------------

Mabel: "Don't get yourself run down now."
John: Hehe...now what were we talking about there?
Mabel: ... you only say that every time I cross the street.
--------------------------------

"What does it do for your shaggability factor?"
--------------------------------

John: You have a bigger chest than that girl over there, look... oh wait..that's a man.
--------------------------------
Mabel: (in the doorway of hostel room preparing to run into the bathroom) Ahhh John there's someone coming! I look like a banshee!

John: (monitoring hallway traffic) It's the Picadilly circus. Ok, now GO GO GO!
--------------------------------
John: Since you didn't get your balloon, would you like an ice cream instead?

--------------------------------
John: Is that your shagging list?
Mabel: Yeah. No, SHOPPING list!
--------------------------------

John: We'll have to re-evaluate the situation, re-calculate the number of stops, the time it takes to get there, what we're going to do with the extra time spent on land.
--------------------------------

High prices for sitting down

Mabel: (sits down as we enter a cafe)
John: We made the mistake of sitting down again... You sat down AGAIN, ya bitch!
--------------------------------
John: (about his camera losing battery) Oh put it back in before it goes!!
Mabel: *snicker* That's what SHE said...
--------------------------------
Learning Spanish
John: "Do you fancy a shag?" Eh, mas o menos. "Is that mas or menos?"
--------------------------------
John: Mabel Mabel Mabel! The hot Asian cafe's right here! You just walked right past it!
Mabel: Okay, okay, we'll come back later geez... "Red alert! ALERT!!"
--------------------------------
John: We were asking him in stereo for the dessert menu.
--------------------------------
Mabel: You never told me THAT before!!
John: MABEL, I just told you three times in the last five minutes!!!!
--------------------------------
John: She's not my girlfriend, she's my secretary. We're just here for a cheap dirty weekend, but I'm still gay.
--------------------------------
Mabel: I've got quite the solid thighs.
John: It's like that cuz your jeans are just tight. Once you take them off they'll be normal...... whatever normal might be.
--------------------------------
Mabel: Last night some people accidentally came into our room. That means anyone can get into anyone else's room!!
John: (with magic fingers) OOooooOOOoooohhh!!! OooooOOoooOoh!.... Do you know this because you've actually done it? (always making a right instead of left exiting our room)
--------------------------------
Mabel: Tell the story again about the chocolate.
John: What story about the chocolate?
Mabel: John you just told it 3 minute sago! This is worrisome.
--------------------------------
Mabel: Say it again, say it again!
John: Say what again?!
Mabel: Um, don't remember.
John: Well if you don't remember, how do you expect me do remember?
--------------------------------
(talking about "Milkman Ernie" song in Benny Hill)
Mabel: But...why is his name Ernie?
John: I don't know why, Mabel!!! It's just the name in the song!!!
--------------------------------
Mabel: I can't believe that oversized leprechaun...
John: Oh, Seamus.
Mabel: You knew his name?!
--------------------------------
(about square sliced sausages)
Mabel: But...are they actually square or do they have rounded edges?
John: YES, they are SQUARE Mabel!
Mabel: But...what do they do with the extra sausage that they cut off?
John: ...Cut WHAT off??

Finally Good Food

On the list of: "Things to do when the tumor twins reunite"

- fine dining at the tastiest, cheapest restaurants we can find. (such as pho 77, pho 88, pho 99, pho 00)

Blublublublublu

(at the airport)
Me: Even the coffee machines must be expensive here. It´ll cost you an arm and a leg.
Ugly: Bwaha, "Please insert: One. Arm."
Me: Bwahaha, "Your balance: One. Arm."
Ugly: "Your change: Four. Toes." :::blublublublublu:: That´s the sound of the toes rolling down the chute.

---------------------------------------------------

(playing pool)
Ugly: Dammit, I wish I didn´t have a left leg.
Me: You can insert it in the coffee machine.

They are a cat lady

Ugly: they just have too many cats
me: mom´s a cat lady
what did dad say?
i guess he´s a cat lady too
Ugly: lol
nina said
"they are a cat lady."

I´m not fat.

googlyga: hubby, do you remember my hair when it was this short?
me: mmm how short
googlyga: check yo messages!
you like?
i am thinking of chopping it off le tomorrow.
me: haha wait let me see
hahaha i tried to guess what you were eating first
googlyga: bahahaha
me: omg are you at egg custard king?
googlyga: it's from egg custard king!

Cordially, Lucifer

googlyga: there's so much to prepare. i don't even know where to start.
me: did the program send you like a manual
on the things you need to prepare
googlyga: noooo
most of the people who are going are from india. like 99% of them.
me: lol woww
well they should really send you something like that
googlyga: bahaha. i am going to email the selection committee right now.
me: yeah, i mean...all programs like these usually come with like a survivor manual
googlyga: re: survival manual
dear committee: wtf.

AND pooing.

Ugly: we have to ok? you need to get urself a job at starbucks or something
and i just need to get a job.

me: lol
okay well i´ll try
it´s gonna kind of be difficult
working AND creating a literary magazine
lol

Ugly: apply now!
LOL
AND traveling

me: AND playing with george

Ugly: lol
AND partying
AND rock hammering

me: hahah
yes, especially the rock hammering
with the rock hammering, you won´t have time or energy for anything else

MadridforShanties.com

me: yeah you should
then you should just stay inrid
wow
stay.in madrid
freain retarded keyboard
googlyga: typing fail, bo!
me: lol wtf
googlyga: hahahahaha
me: looks like a frickin porn site
googlyga: ewwww, "stay in.com"

pot, meet....oh, never mind.

Mo: I hate radio silence.

Mo: It's an unapologetic shameless bitch.

Kind of like me.

But I like me.

The Game of Life

me: haha
did i always get mad if i lost?
Ugly: yea
especially when u lost repeatedly
hahaha
me: :(
at life?
did i always lose at life
hahah
Ugly: LOL
me: lol
Ugly: frequently

The Teapot and the Kettle...

Ugly: no kidding
fuckin love jenn and diana
me: oh is that who do that website
Ugly: lol
did you just fall off a truck as you were saying that? cuz you're grammar really sucked
yes that is who do that

moccasin-ing

mo [slapping butt, post jog]: i'm smacking my butt so I can see what it feels like.

me: it's not going to jiggle, mo. you're wearing spandex.

mo [continues smacking]: no, i mean what it feels like when other people do it.

welcome to the dark side

[post a damn-you-auto-correct conversation]

me:
can't believe you have an iPhone now!

the bun:
ME EITHER
I am angry at it for being so expensive. I must be the unhappiest iPhone mother ever.
Hmm. owner. crap.

me:
mother is accurate, since it costs as much as a new-born.

Boogachaka

Ugly: she doesnt interest me
me: she´s boring?
i wish guys were more like lesbians
me: the world would be a better place
Ugly: she's kinda not interesting.
me: lol
Ugly: how so more like lesbians?
me: like instead of ¨oh, chick, me want bang¨
me: it could be ¨she doesn´t really interest me¨
Ugly: LOL
LMAO
that is great
me: lol what´s so funny
Ugly: its funny!

CL Block

me: heee heee
have we said anything funny lately?
lol
Ugly: hahaha
that was it

Stop or I'll shoot

ego: [singing in sexy voice]

mo: i can't handle it! that voice sounds like it belongs on the jazz radio at 3 AM when they're playing the sexy songs.

ego: [continues singing]

mo: stop! i'm gonna fart!

this is why they invented the internets

Whitney: I commented on your Facebook!

Whitney: Can you comment back and maybe poke me?

CL strikes again

via text:

me: :*

lauren: if you had an iphone, we could make actual kissy faces at each other.

__________________________________________

mitney:

I hate you. Have spent all afternoon reading CL instead of working. You distract me even when you're not here.

__________________________________________

mitney:

I know I've made the blog already.

But I want to make it for something more substantial than my inability to type in a linear fashion.

I have a new purpose in my life! I will not quit until I've made it into CL for something truly notable.

___________________________________________

mitney:

Can I just say that I want to steal Javi.

talking about difficult work situations

mitney:
except not, because ve this great rapport w/ her based on mutual taste for tough sexyou ha

[silence]

mitney:
you have this rapport etc.

rough

Oh, Lord

Ugly: ok will you just please gs this song
downpour
brandi carlile
so effin good
i want to be this to someone.
"i'm like the rain in a downpour"
you're like the tide in the deep blue
you're always there when i need youuuu
god this song just tears up my heart
me: ooh
i dunno it either
Ugly: are ya listening?
me: i´m listening to my playlist
Ugly: listen to it!!!
me: okay i´ll add it to my playlist
what´s it called
Ugly: downpour
so?
me: oh brandi carlile
Ugly: oh lord
me: okay after this alejandro sanz song
:D
Ugly: are you in the land of the slowskis?
me: haha, i thought you were talking about the song before this one!
Ugly: you are totally hangin with the slowskis today

-----------------------------------------------

Ugly: haha
whats funny?
me: go read it
the best part is when you say ¨oh lord¨
Ugly: lol
thats the best part?
i like
are u in the land of the slowskis?
me: haha
well yeah that comes after the climactic funny
which is ¨oh lord¨
Ugly: i dunno why thats funny
i also like
do i look like the internet to u?
and you say yes
me: that´s not that funny
Ugly: lol
yes it is!
but THIS convo may be even funnier
arguing about what is funny
this is funny:

(copied)
12:40 AM bub: haha
and the blood poured off the pulpit
3:35 PM
yeah and the blood poured down the picket lines
3:36 PM
me: mm yes
(end)

me: lol how is that even remotely funny??
Ugly: lol
taken out of context it is
you're sayin all this dramatic shit
and i'm like
mhm

------------------------------------------------

me: le boogie
what should i write my first blog entry about?
for my writing class
Ugly: um
you should write about your chicken soup
and whether or not you should put tomatoes in it
me: lol but that´s stupid
what would be the overarching point
Ugly: overarching
um
tomatoes vs no tomatoes

Barf Babies

me: haha
why don´t YOU have a baby
Ugly: um, harder said than done
if you had a baby i would move closer to take care of it
actually, you would have to move closer to take care of it.
er, for me to take care of it.
me: hahaha
sounds like a bribe
Ugly: lol
me: a bribe and then thievery
Ugly: *suddenly not feelin so slick
me: hahah
Ugly: hahahaha
me: and not so well masked.
Ugly: the thievery and bribery corporation

Worst Nightmare...

me: le good, i´m really enjoying non.vacation life
thank god....no more 3rd world toilets
Ugly: lol
ugh my biggest fear
in traveling
those scary toilets

---------------------------------------

Ugly: yup
i do have those nightmares
having to pee really bad and the toilet is FRIGHTENING.