Food Coma

Dan: (after eating a Maoz sandwich) Oh I feel better now.
Julietta: Feel like a person now?
Dan: Yeah.
Allison: I don't.
Bub: Bwahahaa.
Allison: I feel like two people.

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Julietta: He was.... mildly not unattractive.
Bub: Bwahaha.
Julietta: He was like the kind of person who you'd go on a date with maybe once, then have a conversation with, then afterwards make yourself unavailable for awhile...
Bub: So, a friend?

McDonald's Drive-Thru, 3 AM

Ugly: I think we might have to go to the pick up window.
Bub: Wait, didn't our order already register?
Ugly: No, it said "medium fries" instead of "large fries."

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Ugly: I think we need to get into car formation. Ching, you're in the passenger seat. You guys, back there. Nicole, you're on the roof rack.

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Bub: Do you want something?
Jamiel: Uh, no. I still have some dignity left.


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Nicole: (at pick up window, after having complained about going to McD's for 10 minutes) Uh, can I get a cheeseburger with no pickles please.

New levels of CL

Bahaha, I actually did this search on CL:

Showing newest posts with label "going to wake up as a hairy boar." Show older posts

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me: i must have you know, instead of iming "megan verma" on fb right now, imed "michael zhao" lmao
with "bahahahaha...you must go on CL now!!"
he responded. "hi....cl?"

googlyga: bahahhahahahahahahahahahaha

me: i havent'talked to him in approximately 10 years

And more partying...

(Mom at dimsum is using her own pair of scissors to cut up food)

Bub: She's still cutting stuff up.
Ugly: It's her hand now.
Bub: Mommy scissorhands.

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Christy: Wait, how did you break your phone this time?
Ugly: It drowned. In a bag of water.
Christy: A bag of water? Wait, this is sounding more stupid each time.

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Ugly: So how much weight did you lose?
Nicole: Well, according to my gynecologist...

(cue 10 minutes of laughter)

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Ugly: (about turning off the lamp) You have to hold both balls at the same time and pull.

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Bub: Oh, it's the crappy song that I like.
Ugly: Bwaha...how can you think it's crappy if you like it.
Bub: It's like loving a prostitute.
Ugly: She'd have to be a pretty special prostitute for you to love her.
Bub: Or maybe you're just a special man.
Ugly: Why, yes, yes I am...

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(at 10 in the morning, after partying all night)

Nicole: Ooh, look at the trolley! Can we go ride the trolley?? Oh, cheesesteaks!! Can we go get some cheesesteaks before you take me to the salon??

Ugly: ......I dunno if we have time.

Nicole: Do we have time?

Ugly: No I don't think so..

Nicole: We do or we don't?

Ugly: WE DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Bub cracks her shit up)

Ugly is still in town...

Christy: (after having finished her entire bowl of Pho) So, I"m on a no-carbs diet. Can't you tell?
Ugly: ....No carb left behind.

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Giant crayon

Christy: Dude, isn't it weird playing with a toy that's taller than you?
Ugly: I dunno, Christy, shouldn't you know?
Phil: Bwahah, you were just setting yourself up for that one.

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Ms. Fitz: And Kevin's always so proud that a rocket scientist was in his class. You know, I noticed on her facebook that she's really into theater.
Bub: Yeah, you know, I think she actually double majored in rocket science and theater.

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Bub: Hasta luego, Javiercito!!
Ugly: Javier frito?

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Ugly: And I always think I run more than I really do.
Christy: ....bwaha you're delusional.


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Christy: This is the book that Ching reads with him all the time.
Ugly: Oh, is Ching learning to read with him?
Ching: Bwahah..look, "FLOWERS."
Ugly: No, Ching, read the word. The word!

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Ugly Comes to Town...

Me and Ugly are sleeping on either side of Norman in hotel bed

Dimitri: (when the light is turned on) Fucking Norman sandwich bastard!!

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Dimitri: (to Vasilis, who's sharing his bed) Shut the fuck up! Or you're gonna get a Greek sausage in your mouth!

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Ugly: I think I'm gonna upload those funny pictures from around the house.
Bub: Um, that's embarrassing. Don't tag me please.

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Ugly: (handing me old picture to scan)
Bub: Um, I don't think I want Ms. Cancelliere to be part of my memories, thanks. (hands picture back)

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After 2 hours of traffic on the Atlantic City Expressway
Bub: (after reading sign) Who would want to sponsor a highway?
Ugly: Who the fuck would sponsor a highway??!

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Bub: Whaat? There's MORE "Sitting on the Toilet"videos?

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Mahjong table as crib reprise

Terry: Your parents play mahjong?
Ugly: Uh no, it was her bed.

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Mom: (giving Dad a half-peeled banana)
Dad: (half of banana breaks and falls into his lap) Hey! How come it's broken??
Mom: Cuz you're waving it around, that's why!!

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Uncle: (to Ugly) So you've spent the last 2 years in spain... you must have traveled all around europe by now...!
Ugly: uh, that was her. (points to empty seat where bub was sitting)

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Bub: Yeah, we used to play all the time.
Terry: Aww, yeah, you guys were so cute back then. What happened?
Bub: We grew up.

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The next time a Colombian hits on you...

Katie: So in Colombia, before they stabbed someone, they'd ask them if their mother knew how to sew.
Megan: Oh, like their shroud.
Mabel: Bahahahah.
Katie: No, like, the holes in the shirt.

Bwahah

Javier: O my god, we've been talking for an hour and 25 minutes.
Mabel: Is this like the longest phone conversation you've ever had?
Javier: Yes.
Mabel: Like, in your life?
Javier: Yes, for sure.
Mabel: Aw, I feel so special.
Javier: I feel so tired.

Bad Handwriting

"the boredom of boobies bumbling"