Sadly, 6-year-olds aren´t the only ones

Cristina the teacher: Where do we live?
Student: A planet!
Cristina: Oh great! And does anybody know what planet we live on? Teresa?
Student: Madrid.

denouement of late-night phone conversation


me: so, i just bought a new skirt! it's bright red.

tar-tar: [long pause] .... what's a yurt.

....Aand it never gets old.

(After finishing a quick lunch)

Ricardo: Mm, that was good. Fast but good.
Mabel: ..... That's what she said.

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Carrie: ..So I guess I have to do some cardio rather than just weight training. I mean cardio is what makes you actually lose weight right?

Mabel: Yeah, I think that's the idea...

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Carrie: But it's nice to see him developing and maturing. Maybe in 10 years he'll be a normal person.

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Carrie: I haven't really seen any Chinese gay people. Like it seems like there just aren't any.

Mabel: My sister knows the entire Asian lesbian population in Philadelphia.

Carrie: Oh, really. Oh, wait, I think I've seen one - !

Mabel: Bwahaha, with binoculars, it was the red-feathered kind...

Who would you save?

Carrie: Was he a part of the nuclear family?
Janet: You mean was he one of the central family members - nuclear family comes from the word nucleus, right?
Mabel: Oh! ... I always thought it came from.. who you would save in the case of a nuclear attack..
Janet: BWAHAHAHA.. we´ll pretend you never said that..

Spanish bocadillo bread, always good for an American joke

Mabel: How am I supposed to eat this? Dude it´s like 3 inches thick.
Melissa: .... That´s what she said.

Re-invent Your Life Using English

(The exercise was to make questions using prompt words)

Enrique: Okay...how much..does....your bungalow..cost?
Monse: Bwahaha, eh...my bungalow costs...3 million dollars. Okay, my turn. How many...people..are there..in the theater?
Enrique: In the theater?
Monse: Yes, the theater.
Enrique: How many people...but theater es teatro, no?
Monse: Yes, how many people are there.
Enrique: (in Spanish) How many people are there in the theater? What theater are you talking about? What people?
Monse: (in Spanish) Okay, you just asked me about my ¨bungalow¨!

thank the internet it's friday

Maggie: internet is miraculously back

jordan: that's cause its time to work! So internet comes back

Maggie: doesnt the internet know its friday?

jordan: that's why it wanders to youtube and facebook for some reason

I´mma be a Ghetto Lady Bug

(while my costume is lying, half-made, on the table)

Javi: We can download and watch ¨Precious.¨
Mabel: Oh yeah, I heard you can download it for free now. Let´s watch it this weekend. I´ve also heard it´s got good --
Javi: That they give you a free Chupa-chup if you download it?
Mabel: Yeah, and a balloon.
Javi: Bwahaha, and a costume.
Mabel: We need to download it NOW.

"Eet's not a dumah," Reprise

Ugly's comment: Hint taken. I'm updating myself on your life now. Chicago's the musical, Gino's Pizza, and lots of Japanese cuisine? It sounds like you're in Chicago...those are a few of our trademarks! You must be living in Chicago's tumor twin city.

More on Old Age

Victor: So, I saw that you're doing this group trip to Salamanca. I wanna join you guys.
Mabel: Oh, um...you know it's kind of more for young people.
Victor: And I'm not a young person?!

Old Age Arguments

Javi: Tiana y el Sapo...qué es eso?
Mabel: La nueva peli de Disney.
Javi: Ahh...y es buena?
Mabel: No, todas las pelis nuevas de Disney son una mierda.
Javi: Ooh, una mierda...un poco de seriedad, por favor.
Mabel: Que? Son malas!
Javi: Malas malísimas...
Mabel: Y TÚ has visto todas o que?
Javi: Si. Todas. Ooh, estas echando humo!
Mabel: Estoy echando a mi novio a la calle.

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Javi: Tiana and the Toad...what's that?
Mabel: The new Disney movie.
Javi: Oh, and is it good?
Mabel: No, all the new Disney movies are crap.
Javi: Crap? Come on, let's be serious now...
Mabel: What? They're bad!
Javi: Bad, real bad...
Mabel: And have YOU seen them all?!
Javi: Yes. All of them. Ohhh, you're putting out smoke!
Mabel: I'm putting my boyfriend out on the street.

Spaghetti with a Chance of Meatballs

me: ...so he gets eaten by this rotisserie chicken with no head and a few scenes later, you see the chicken writhing and his head pops out of the chicken, and he becomes the chicken!

becky: wow, that's very zen.

Gross Misnomers

Nancy: So, you know how in Spanish they say ¨teta¨ for breast and you know how they like to directly translate things... I had this 30-some year old student who was talking about his wife breast-feeding, and he´d say, ¨frahm deh teet of deh mather¨and I´m like...uhhhh, that sounds really bad. Then instead of saying ¨tidy¨ he´d keep saying ¨tittie¨ and I just tell him, ¨You know, what you´re actually saying is that your house is a boob.¨

February: blue jeans month at the office

email subject line from manager to all employees: "BJ Day 1 of 28"

"How long is this madlib??!!"

On the Track of Bigfoot

One fuzzy day, our class went hiking along the chicago River. Like all gummy hikers, we were ready for any emergency. In our backpacks, we carried jugs, shrimp, and one stocking.

As we walked along the trail, Ms. Fitz noticed a(n) shiny footprint. “Do you think a(n) fez hat made these tracks?” Ms. Fitz asked.

“No, but let's follow them anyway,” suggested corinne.

We booted for hours. Then I screamed, “Wokka!! I think I see a huge boob.”

“How long is this madlib??!!” we heard someone say. It was Ms. Cancelliere.

“Ms. Cancelliere!” we screamed. “We thought you were a huge boob!”

“Do I look like a huge boob? Well, as long as you're all here, you can help me look for light beams. There are lots of them here along the chicago River. We can take them back to school and study them under our microscopes.”

“How long is this madlib??!!!” everyone said.