Monopoly with Mom

Mom: I need to take a break/go to the bathroom.
Me: I'm going upstairs to check my e-mail. I just bought 3 more hotels. Go check them out.
Mom: Did you cheat again? Did you steal my money?
Me: You have no money to steal!

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Mom: You're the one who keeps babbling about the $50 that I "swindled" from you.

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Me: I think the bank should give out a $500 economic stimulus.

Spoiling Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2

Alex: Well, one of them had sex for the first time, and the condom broke!
Flo: So, what happened? Sisterhood goes to get Plan B?
Anna: Motherhood of the Traveling Pants?

John: I'll just say that you're my Chinese bride. I bought you for two weeks.

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My schemes to become an EU citizen

John: on skype to the wife - need to tell her we should get a divorce as soon as posible so we can get married!!!!!!!!

trash bag talk

megan: after all that's happened, you need to give me a lot of positive reinforcement...

tarnima: [pats arm sympathetically] you are such a terrible person!

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tarnima: you have such small feet

megan: whereas yours are gigantic? you yeti.

tarnima: my yeti feet grew!

The Life of a Profe

Paco: You can teach them some bad words. For example...como se llaman?
Mabel: Emilio and Almudena.
Paco: "Emilio, you stupid idiot! And Almudena, you stupid fucking bitch! For example."
Mabel: Haha, "just as an example."

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Mabel: Okay, it's an animal.
Fran (who is 11): Hmm, okay...is it...silly?
Mabel: Hahaha, um, no.
Fran: Is it....a human?

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Describe-the-word-without-saying-certain-words game

Fran: Okay, what is..the color of a banana?
Mabel: Yellow?
Fran: Yes, correct.......Ahh, no! I was not supposed to say "color" or "banana."

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Mabel: Okay, why do I have a newspaper in my bag?
Itziar (who is 6); Oh, because, this morning...your father sees soduku on the newspaper, and says to you, that you have to take it with you and do it.
Mabel: Ah, okay, and why?
Itziar: Because he says to you, you must be better at the math.

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Fran Javi: You know when a cat falls, it always lands on its feet? And when a piece of toast falls, it always lands on the buttered side? So the question is, if you have a piece of buttered toast stuck to a cat and they're both falling, which is on the bottom? It's a question I've never been able to answer.

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Mabel: Mmm American coffee...
Fran Javi: And Spanish milk.

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Mabel: Is there a short version for "Almudena?"
Almudena: Gwell, yes, it's "Almu," mbot I never liked it...gwas because of my brother, when we gwere yonger, he used to call me, "Almu, Almu, muuuuu, muuuuuuu" and he say to me it sound like a...como se llama vaca?
Mabel: (between horse laughter) Cow.
Almudena: Jes, a cow. "Almu, Almu, muuuuu muuuu."

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Almudena: Gwell, my first job...I don't remember. Ah, I gwas an English...::laughter:: No, I mean, a gym teacher. Though I hate sports. I taught this...::makes arm movements::
Mabel: Aerobics.

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Mabel: Okay, teneis que escribir en la pisarra, vale?
Marina: Profe, no es pisarra, es pi-thh-arrrrrraaa.
Mabel: Perdon, la pi-th-arrraa.

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Julietta: Well, that's a good incentive... to not spend money on food you're not going to like.

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Mabel: So when was this aqueduct built?
Javi: ....................A long time ago.

Recording: " 'So have you met him yet?'"
Mabel: So what does she say?
Almudena: "So...have you married him...or something?"

Judy: I hope he's dead.
Mabel: He's not dead, he's just French.

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More email exerpts: "Lamiak is wooooooonderful. It's alway crowdy and distills basque style that I love."

Excerpt from an e-mail: "Christmas is in the corner and there is all kind of get-togethers."

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Mabel: Oooh, you changed your sheets.
Javier: Yeah, well, you know. Christmas is coming.

Mabel: I mean like, who does that??!
Judy: Hahaha, he's not like an alien or something!

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Judy: Ohh, his last post was November 16. That's like, a century ago!
Mabel: Hahaha!
Judy: I mean, on facebook, it's like a month ago, but in real life it's like a century ago!

mabel: hello
HELLO DAD
HELLO MOM
sagonlee921: hello bo

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mabel: cold! still cold! cold! needs to be hotter!
javier: o my god, i feel like i'm in hell.

Almudena:: (simulating a phone conversation in class) Yes, hello, may I please have extension Nic Smith please?

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Almudena: I was standing with my burger for 20 minutes, waiting for a seat. Then finally, I found a small table and I sat down to eat my burger. Then a very very big man came and sat down across me, I can account for it that he had 3 or 4 burgers on his tray. Then he was eating the burger and all the onions and tomatoes, all flying out of the burger...Gwell, I couldn't eat. Then, I closed my burger, and got up and went away.

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Flo: ugh i know. the radiator wasn't on at like 4am this morning and i was soooo cold
like the cold was seeping into my comforter
my ass was freezing. like literally. my ass.
i had to put my hand on my own ass just to warm it up

Flo: CL strikes again!
Mabel: just edited it again
Flo: LOL
you are beyond help
addicted to blogging quotes
Mabel: HAHAHHA
Flo: omg i just hit refresh
and had deja vu
Mabel: LMAO
dude this conversations gets better
and i keep having to quote
Flo: LOL
you have a problem, mablo, you have a problem
the first step is admitting to it
Mabel: HAHAHHA

Mabel: (over the sound of dishes being washed) Man, I need some digestive cookies.
Christina: What cookies? Oh, like the little choco cookies?
Mabel: No, like those fiber cookies that the Spanish people love.
Christina: What? You need five more cookies?
Mabel: No, (turning off the tap) you know those digestive fiber cookies they have here?
Christina: No.

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Mabel: Oooh, do the tigers have names?
Javier: Yes, this one here is called "Don't mess with me or I'll kill you" and this one is "I'll kill you anyway."

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Mabel: Can you pass me the albornoz?
Javier: You like the albornoz better than me.

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Flo: mmhmm
haha saying mmhmm is so easy
i just have to tap two keys
i could eat a hot dog with my left hand and type mmhmmm with my right