Not ALL of that was me.

Ugly: Bahaha, this was the search history on this iPad: get rid of gas and bloating fast, causes of gas and bloating, gangnam style, obama battleship, what to eat before a race.

More Adventures in Absurdism

Ugly: do u get emails from Catbook?

7 minutes

1:58 PM me: lol yes

  why

2:00 PM loll the question should be...why is catbook emailing me.

 Ugly: lol

  they sent an email with subject:

  want to see the oldest cat in the world?

  i'm like, oh man, i do....

2:01 PM but i dont want to click on this email

  cuz i have to work

2:02 PM me: lolll yeah i got that too

  LOL

  i didn't really wanna see the oldest cat in the world...must be gross

 Ugly: hahhaha

  is it....

  alive?

 me: LOL

  okay let me click on it

2:04 PM lol it's a 39 year old cat named lucy

  damn she's living longer than most people

 Ugly: omg

 me: i hope george lives that lon

  g

 Ugly: is she meditating in the photo?

 me: lol noo she looks kind of disoriented though

 Ugly: hahahaha

 me: lolllll

2:05 PM she looks healthy however

  omg this is yet another absurd convo

2:06 PM Ugly: lollll

  now i want to see this cat

2:07 PM me: lolll

  it's just a head shot

  well plus it's body

  part of its body

2:09 PM Ugly: hahahahhahhaa

  'She appears to be the genuine article.' A spokesman for Guinness World Records said there was no entry for the world's oldest cat.

Halloween Headliners

Sam: Yeah, I feel like there's a goth club somewhere in Philly. It's down this weird alleyway.
Bugly: Ohh yeah, we could totally go to a goth club.
Kat: It's like this underground scene.
Miki: ......I'd go mini-golfing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Samantha: we have to hype up our 3 person event

8:38 PM me: hahaha yeah, what will this event consist of

 Samantha: a haunted house, a halloween party, and it will end with you running
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Ugly: i had a pulled duck bbq sandwich

  it was crap

  i swear only asians know how to cook duck

 me: yeah it's true

  it's cuz they hang it up in those windows

  that's the key to good duck

1:24 PM Ugly: hahahahaahhhaah

Men and Retail

Me: So when are you gonna install the new laptop??
Javi: I'll do it soon, I just haven't had time to get to it lately.
Me: It's probably, like, broken already.
Javi: Pwahaa, yeah, it's already become obsolete in the week that I've had it.

----------------------------------------------------

Javi: Oh, what about this one? The "Kling Shopping Bag."
Me: Mmm no. It looks like what my mom would call a "chicken stealing bag."

Deep Conversations, Cont'd

me: shoobie da doo

4:52 PM Ugly: it's shooba dee doo

 me: no it's not

  not if you say it fast

4:53 PM Ugly: it still is

 me: it's definitely shoobie tho

  no shooba

  cuz you say shoobie doobie

4:56 PM Ugly: i think we're talking about 2 different things here

4:58 PM me: fiiine

4:59 PM Ugly: lollll

 me: we shall agree to disagree

  so meaaaan

 Ugly: you're mean

 me: you're mean

  okay, gotta go

  ttyl!

 Ugly: bye

Of Cars and Fuzzy Slippers

me: you stopped responding to my texts!

 Ugly: what have you don with fuzzy slippers?
------------------------------------------------------

Ugly: how long have you had your license?
me: lol
um maybe about 5 or 6 years
Ugly: oh thats good
and it's clean
me: yeah
as in no tickets?
Ugly: right
or accidents
lol
me: um i might have an accident
but that was before i ever had my license

------------------------------------------------------

me: where are you looking at this car?

  are all the jettas stick?

12:21 PM Ugly: it's in princeton. he's meetinig me at my work at 5

  and then we're going from there

 me: ohh i see

 Ugly: no not all

 me: wait, who?

 Ugly: ching

 me: ching?

  ohh i see

 Ugly: i can't buy a stick w/o him! lol

 me: hahaa

  why not

 Ugly: cuz i cant drive it!

 me: ohh but are you thinking of buying it today?

  LOL

 Ugly: i cant go on a test drive no knowing how to drive it

12:22 PM me: buying a car you can't drive..

 Ugly: *not

  well i see it as a challenge

  lol

  it's on my bucket list

 me: well would you put it under his name or my name?

 Ugly: buying a car i can't drive check!

 me: lol this guy is gonna be so confused

 Ugly: lol!!!

 me: LOL

 Ugly: i think your name would be good

  maybe

 me: only person who can drive it isn't buying it

12:23 PM Ugly: hahahaahhaah

 me: girl who wants other guy to test drive it isn't buying it

 Ugly: well they dont have to know that

  they dont care

 me: girl who can't drive either manual or automatic is buying it
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While watching Homeland

Bugly: Man, this terrorist is like not tough at all. He's already giving in to bad music and extreme air conditioning.

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On Zoe's farts

Bugly: Omggg, It won't stop. It's like those motion-sensored Glade air fresheners. 

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Sam: i'm hungry

  i was living off my fat today