Flo: i just want people to do their fucking jobs
and stop being lazy and stupid
3:19 PM america didn't become a superpower by relying on these dumbasses
someone somewhere must have a brain
3:20 PM me: lol
it's probably the brainy people enslaving the stupid and incompetent
that's how we came to be a superpower
Flo: good. i intend to be in the former group
i would like to enslave, plz
me: hahah
sounds like a dinner order
3:21 PM Flo: haha
me: would you like a happy ending massage with that
Flo: YES PLEASE

"Powdered donut holes. Powdered donut. Powdered donut holes."

--------------------

Megan: [in girly Russian accent] But I am from Keeerrch.
Mabel: You be on crack.
Megan: ...No, Keeerrch.

Mabel: [attempting Indian accent] Vat are you doing veeth these emails?
Megan: Um -
Mabel: I really need to perfect the Indian accent.
Megan: Perfect? Try grasping at the coat tails -
Mabel: [horse laugh]
Megan: The threads of the coat tails. Which have been snipped off -
Mabel: [continue horse laugh]
Megan: And are lying in a trash can -
Mabel: Okay, I get the point.

My mom to the home-care lady: He three time eat cat food.

Mabel: [using the hand chart for Handeze Gloves] Yeah, I think I'm an x-small.
Allison: Was that even necessary?

-------

record players

Allison: So where are you guys meeting?
Mabel: I'm gonna tell him to stand outside his house.

[2 seconds pause. Liz and Allison burst out laughing]

B: [looking at shoes] Dude, you have such small feet.
M: I dunno. They're like normal.
B: For an elf.

me: if i at least get a zygote of this paper out i'll come over
like in an hour
what are you up to tonight
flo: ZYGOTE?
SICK
me: LOL
flo: thesis
even sicker
me: or embryo
dunno which comes first
flo: SICK
i dont like embryonic references to babies
me: it's embryonic references to my paper
not to babies
flo: massatoosetts

M: You've no idea. I've been waiting so long to eat this donut.
Megan: ......I don't know what to tell ya.

----------------------

M: [looking in cupboard] Man, I just need a fuckin' lunch bag.

Megan: Oh, you know what. When the facilities guy came that time to change the stove, I think he tore up your lunch bag.

M: [horse laugh] Really, for what?

Megan: To write something, there was like a piece of brown paper with words on it.

M: [continue horse laugh] I'm sure there's more than one lunch bag in this entire apartment.

Megan: Well you've been carrying around that ratty old thing for awhile.

M: Oh here it is! [takes out ratty old lunch bag from cupboard]

Megan: Oh god.