Daily Conversations in Madrid

Me: Ew, your coat smells like smoke now.
Javi: Really? Oh well, I´ll just have to hang it outside.
Me: Outside?
Javi: Yes, outside. It´ll take the smell away.
Me: But outside where?
Javi: Hombre, not hanging from a traffic light. I mean in the terrace.

Bub's Natural Habitat

Allison: i wish i had a video cam now
so i can see you
in your natural state...
in spain
Yo: hahaha
you should get one!!
Allison: nah
i'lll stay old school
for now
Yo: haha mabel in her natural spanish habitat
Allison: lol yes
"take a look, it seems that mabel is feeding on some tapas and some spanish ham sandwiches"
lol
Yo: hahahaha
awesome
"bocadillos, they seem to be called"

Hasta la Vista, Baby

Georgia: I mean now look at him. He's..the governator.

At the British Embassy

John: "How would you rate the quality of service? Very good, good, fair, or poor. Mm, very good. Any extra comments? Yes, it was so good it made me puke."

-----------------------------

John: I was thinking of actually writing that for a second....then I thought...nnno.
Mabel: Bwaha, yeah, we WERE at the British Embassy.
John: "Mr. Lauder, you spelled 'puke' wrong. Please correct your spelling errors before we process your form."

Wait what kind of ribs are these?

At Cuba Libre deciding on dinner

Nish: Wait I have dumb question.
Me: What is it?
Nish: So these short ribs on the menu.... what kind of ribs are these?... are they chicken?
Me: No they're pork... I'm pretty sure chicken don't have ribs...
Nish: hahaha oh yeah they have wings!
Me: and breasts!!! Turkeys also don't have ribs either.
Nish: you would think so, they're huge!

My Name Is...Wha?

email from vendor:

"Dear Mangan,

We have posted the files you need to our FTP site...yadda yadda yadda...

If you anything else, please let me know."

Regards,

[insert unpronounceable Burmese name here]

Another Week in the CL Life

Me: Wait, what kind of curry do you have?
Susie: The kind that's like powder.
Me: Ohhh, okay. Then you're gonna need some coconut milk.
Susie: What's curry look like anyway? I mean, is it a seed, a leaf? What does it look like in nature?
Me: Hmm, I have no idea.
Susie: We're like so far removed...
Me: Haha, from what curry really is..
Susie: I mean from nature in general. 'What does a chicken look like?'

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In line to buy a Twix bar

Me: It's weird, I'm always hungry. I just had lunch around 3.
Susie: But that's like 4 days ago!
Me: Bwaha!
Susie: I mean, haha, 4 hours...
Me: Actually for me, it WAS like 4 days ago.

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Ugly: I went to this "art show" which was really like this burlesque thing...they had a fat, ugly, naked guy on stage being jacked off by some woman.
Me: Ewwww, wtf!! Are you serious?
Ugly: Yeah, and I was already pretty drunk by this point.
Me: Wait, what the hell! So did he have an orgasm on stage?
Ugly: Uh, I don't know actually. I was too busy trying not to vomit.

----------------------------------

Ugly: hennyvays
no more drama please
i'm done
Yo: i have enough bad lesbo drama watching the L word
Ugly: but this is good lesbo drama!
it's real!
:)
Yo: ugh
in all seriousness i'd rather watch the L word
at least it's got a variety of hot sex
hehe
Ugly: hahaha
Yo: and not within the same group of 3 people

twue wov

Bun: FREAK

me: FAT. bahahaha. ♥?

Bun: no

me: ♥♥

Bun: NO NO

me: as the japanese say it, rab rab

Bun: woops

me: raab

Bun: didn't mean to do caps. that's too hostile

me: it's too bun.

Bun: L(

FAIL

me: is that a foot? kicking my arse? b/c the proportions...they're not right

ruinous ruin

hubby: speaking of korean things, have you seen a movie called "old boy?"

me: hmmm nope it does sound familiar, though ... is it a korean remake of a japanese film?

hubby: nope, i don't think so. it's absolutely amazing. you should rent it sometime if you get the chance...but watch it with a hubby-replacement cuz it's kinda creepy

me: what are you talking about? why would i want to spend the whole time prying someone's hands off their face??

Meta-meta CL, from the time of its birth

Yo: i like how i go over it again and laugh like 3 times at everything
do you have any funnies stored up
googlyga: hehehe gchat!
go check
Yo: gchat?
googlyga: go check the blogggg
Yo: ohh
which blog?
googlyga: i'm gonna kill you.

Chinese Food with White Folks

Yo: i went to eat dim sum with javi this weekend
it was pretty good. as usual, i had to eat all the chicken feet
Allison: hahah
or u could just not order the chicken feet
then u wouldn't have to eat all of them
=)
Yo: yeah but he wanted me too
Allison: haha oh
Yo: he even ordered duck feet
Allison: ew
did he eat the duck feet
Yo: and then he's like, "there's....skin on it..and bones"
no lol
Allison: hahahah
Yo: i'm like i'm not eating that
Allison: what'd he expect to find on there?
Yo: hahaha
he thought it was gonna be like all the others, wrapped up and bite sized
Allison: haahaha
Yo: "i thought it was gonna be like dim sum"
"uh, that IS dim sum"
Allison: lol
Yo: LOL
Allison: he wanted duck feet dumplings
where he can't see feet
Yo: HAHAHA
yes, exactly
duck feet dumplings
duck feet ha gao siu mai

Brown People Land

Yo: googoogogogol
googlyga: moooshy
hello
didja get my email of yesterday?
didja get my english lesson?
Yo: hehehe, what english lesson!
yes i did read your email
and did you write me from your crackberry?!
googlyga: ugh
jes, from the train
to see mommy
who is leaving the country
SOOnsoonsoonsoon
MOMMY
i am slightly incapable of speech
Yo: where is she going
googlyga: to the land of the brown people
Yo: hahahaa
googlyga: god; it's slightly mad
the whole house is full of knicknacks and little thingies to pack for people over there
Yo: hehe, like gifts?
googlyga: i feel like i am in a department store...for asian people
Yo: hahahah
googlyga: full of things only asian people would like
like giant pencils that say NEW YORK
Yo: LOL
googlyga: with a skyline of boston in the background...
Yo: statue of liberty keychains
hahaha
googlyga: that are actually of the eiffel...that sort of thing
Yo: heheh
googlyga: electric razors. handheld camcorders. i want to tell my poor parents that these things are probably smuggled from the homeland in the first place
Yo: lmao

---------------------------------

cont'd...

Yo: oh, wifey, you know where this convo is going to go
googlyga: NOOOOOOOOOOO
Yo: heee heeeeeeeee
googlyga: the annals of cordially, lucifer
WHERE ELSE
you decrepit woman??
(i love you?)
Yo: hahahaa
yes, the annals indeed
googlyga: you mean your other blog
?
Yo: the true blog of my heart
googlyga: the one in which you write funny things that...oh, wait.
Yo: the one and only devotion i have
my kidney, really
googlyga: you and your memory =P
::ominous absence from conversation:: can only mean one thing
i am hearing the theme from JAWS
while you update the blog

---------------------------------------

the inthanity continues...

googlyga: vanessa thinks we are a pair of freaks
and she says "thinks?"
KNOWS, FINE BUN
Yo: heeheee
oh man...what a laugh
wait, did you write a comment on the latest post?
ohh hahah
i see it
hahahaha
googlyga: nooooo the comment on the sing sing cackle cackle post
Yo: i never noticed it til now
googlyga: which is identical to our convo just now
Yo: yeah, it is really
googlyga: which is identical to every conversation
Yo: lmfao
googlyga: ...but maybe more succinct?

I always knew there was something about the jamon...

Yo: but it's ridiculous sometimes how dumb 1st graders are
Ugly: lol
what did u expect?
Yo: today the teacher was doing a writing exercise and told the kids to flip their books upside down, so they couldn't see the list of words
and they had to write in the opposite column the words as she dictated them
and instead of writing on the first line, almost all of them wrote on the last line, and upside down and in reverse
and they just COULDN"T write rightside up
and the teacher was just so infuriated as to how they were so confused
it was the weirdest thing
Ugly: how could they write on it if it was upside down?
Yo: it was just a blank column
with lines
and on the other side was the list of words
but they got confused by that so they were all writing upside down and reverse as well
Ugly: lol
Yo: like, even after she said, write H A T in the FIRST LINE
10 times
Ugly: sounds fancy
Yo: even wrote it on the board
they were STILL writing that way...like, twilight zone
and all 3 classes did the exact same thing
Ugly: hmmm
well maybe the instructions need to change
like they need to be shown what to do
Yo: they WERE
Ugly: if everyone did the same
Yo: and the teacher said they never had any problems with this exercise last year
also, i've seen some kids have a weird form of dyslexic-ness
like they see a word, and they write the mirror image
rather than what they see
Ugly: oh my
Yo: so they see cat, and they'll write t a c, but with the letters all backwards
Ugly: dont drink the water
lol
Yo: haha
Ugly: you're witnessing the beginning of the fall of the spanish
Yo: hahaha
mirror-image writing!
will be the downfall of spain
Ugly: a whole culture taken down by dyslexia
Yo: hahaha
Ugly: or as we now call it, mirror image writing
LOL
Yo: LOL
Ugly: a special form of dyslexia
Yo: is that a form of dyslexia?
hahaha
Ugly: very special
Yo: lmao
Ugly: lol
it's caused by swine
eating of swine
Yo: omg, the jamon!
Ugly: jamon
no more bocadillos!
Yo: damn the bocadillos!
Ugly: thank fucking god
no more bocadillos

--------------------------------------------

Allison: what are boacilos
bocadilos
wow i left like 5 letters out of that
u get the gist

This is what kids do to you...

Me: So, been listening to any good new music lately?
Ugly: Mmm... not really. Oh, just the soundtrack to "Where the Wild Things Are."
Me: Ohh, is it good?
Ugly: Yeah. I sent it to you! Did you read the email? We were talking about this last time, don't you remember?
Me: Uh, not really.

[five minutes later]

Me: So, have you listened to any good music lately?
Ugly: ....

dementy-whatsits

Taking the Name-The-U.S.-States-&-Capitals-Quiz:

roomie: Arizona's capital is...ooooh...eh, i can't remember.

ego: (makes caw-ing bird noises)

roomie: little hawk?

ego: hmm...was featured in the title of a recent Harry Potter book

roomie: ...Azkaban?

So...where is it again?

googlyga: and the COLD
Yo: what's the temperature over there now
googlyga: eh, not terrible. around 13 degrees C
but sooooo cold in our apartment
Yo: eeek
cold cold
googlyga: i just talked to our landlady 'cause we live in a slum
Yo: what happened
googlyga: ahahah it's freezing! and kind of pathetically funny...since our heater is so scary
it smells like it'll burst into flames
and sets off the fire alarm.
hahahaah
i can't fart in peace
it'll explode
this is brought to you courtesy of BUN
Yo: hahahaha
LOL
it sets off the fire alarm??!1
lol holy shit
lol it's kind of funny but it shouldn't be
googlyga: i know! i can't even be that angry
'cause it's too good of a story.
that time i almost died a la "the little match girl"
Yo: hahahaha
do you have a heater in your room?
googlyga: noooo, not yet. i'm going to get one this weekend
seeing tarnima too =) i'm so excited!! i'm making her a big batch of truffles to cheer up the medschool blues
Yo: aww
she's been really busy
wait so where is your heater now?
googlyga: it's in the store
bahahahah
Yo: the one that sets off the alarm?
googlyga: haha, nope that's the one that's in the house
it came with our apt.
but we're too scared to use it
Yo: but where is it
lol
googlyga: FREAK
this is a special ed convo
hahahaha
Yo: hahahaha
googlyga: i just re-read this
Yo: i just wanna know where your heater is!!!
the fiery furnace one!!
googlyga: every other line is "...so where's the heater??"
Yo: lmao
i' got the hots for it
no pun intended
HA
googlyga: so funny, lady
i hacked up a lung laughing. bun is very amused.
so our crappy heater is in my room
but i unplugged it.
am getting a new one to plug into the wall sooooon
but seriously, this one is a GAS electric one
there's a huge flame going off
inside
Yo: hahahahaha
yeah my other lung is out
that's what i asked you in the FIRST place!
if the heater was in your room

Le Deener

Me: So, I started out with this new bottle of oil, and I used this much today.
Janet: [utterly horrified look] What??!! What are you making me?!

------------------------------

Marc: When I was in Mexico, there was this girl from South Carolina who spoke Spanish with a southern accent. So she'd say "Ver-dayad" and one time she said "Ah got all mah tin-eyrs confused." (tener = to have)

Vocabulary Building

Mabel: Okay, so, the person who usually takes your order at a restaurant is called?
Carlos: Um...ah, Jean-Paul.

------------------------

CL Specifics and Protocol

Ugly: Was that like a reprise of Rubber Body Parts? You just added more to the other entry.
Mabel: No, no, the original conversation was an actual one, not on IM.

I eat that all the time

Janet: What's "mero?" It's on the lunch menu for Thursday.
Me: Hmm, I dunno.
Melissa: Marrow? It's like, the inside of a bone. Like the juice...bone marrow.
Janet: Ohhh, okay...so guys, they're serving bone marrow on Thursday, if you wanna stay for lunch.
Liam: Yeah, all right, sounds good.
Janet: Have you had bone marrow, Ricardo?
Ricardo: Oh, yeah, bone marrow, it's really good. They make it in Mexico.
Me: Wait, but is it like, a soup? Or liquid-y? How do you eat it?
Melissa: [stares at me for 10 seconds] Oh, wait, what was the word you asked? How do you spell it?
Janet: Mero, m-e-r-o.
Melissa: Oh, it's a type of fish.

[raucous laughter]

----------------------------

Melissa: So what are you gonna be for Halloween?
Ricardo: [serious tone] I dunno man. I guess I could be a ghost and use some bedsheets. Although, on second thought I don't think my landlord would be too happy with me cutting them up.
Carrie: Wait, what?
Ricardo: You know, holes for the eyes.
Carrie: Bwahaha, you can't just go around wearing a sheet in school.
Mabel: Bwaha, yeah, as if he was really actually considering it.

on dies irae:

Bun - sounds like...battaglia
ego - like what?
Bun - you know, like a...whatyacall it...fight..within a war
ego - so a battle?

life on the psych ward

Roomie:
mofosdf;lkjsdf;lkj
sometimes I really hate working with patients with anxiety
stop friggin' calling me
i get it
you're anxious

Rubber Body Parts, Cont'd

Yo: today i remembered when i was putting tupperware away in your apartment
you were like "whoa...is this like, how to take up the most space or something"
Ugly: LOL
Yo: "the round ones usually go here with the round lids....the square ones are back here.."
i was like oh, okay....lol
le funny
Ugly: haha
you said i was anal
for someone so messy
Yo: haha yeah...like the lotion thing
how you had to put it back behind the clock each time
and your coffee machine
Ugly: lol... yea cuz i use the clock
everyday
Yo: hahaaa
Ugly: as well as the counter
Yo: "these big soft styrofoam number signs that were used for a toy packaging and which i still have to find a use for need to go here."
Ugly: LOL
Yo: bwahaha
Ugly: and the rubber body parts go here
Yo: hahahaha
in the shelf for rubber body parts

Blarg!

Achraf: Teacher, teacher, are we making a birthday card? Should I write inside, "Felicidades, Achraf"?

------------------------------------

Javi: What did you cut your hair with, a sword?

------------------------------------

David: Super-Abuela was a cartoon.
Javi: No, it wasn't, Super-Abuela was real.
Susie: Super-Abuela is also a video game. I have it.
David: Bwaha, what does the Super-Abuela do in the game? Save the world?
Susie: Plant flowers and save cats.
Luis: Did you find this game on the internet? ...Or did you pay money for this?

Farmville Fun

Mildred: Farmville is serious. I wake up in the morning, and the first thing I think of is, "Damn, I gotta go harvest my pumpkins."

----------------------------------------------

Mom: How was your nap?

Me: I need to harvest my pumpkins.

Poker Face

ego: y'know, so many people, who aren't nerds like us, don't know lady gaga is really from the upper east side--

bun: --that she's a JAP

ego: and hiding her big jewish nose--

bun: --under her big penis hair

Gay black Tuesday headliners

Gay black teacher: So kids here usually get to choose between religion, and another class called "valores," which is really just religion in disguise.

------------------------

Gay black teacher: "He told me don't go there." What's wrong with this sentence? Well for some of us there's nuttin' wrong with it.

------------------------

Girl: Do students usually watch videos in class?
Gay black teacher: You remember back in the day, when the good kid would be sent off to get the tv on the roll-y cart? No tvs on roll-y carts.

------------------------

Gay black teacher: So I had to teach the kids about photosynthesis and about plant reproduction, and the kids are all like, "Pero profe, las flores se juntan??!" and I'm like no...the plants don't have sex.

------------------------

Gay black teacher: Oh and remember it's all British English. So when they ask you for a rubber they're not asking for a condom. The first time they asked me "Have you got a rubber?" I was like....they make 'em in your size?

pride parade.

Me (very seriously): I was reading in the Times that more kids are coming out now in middle school. Even in conservative areas - and lots of new chapters of GSA are being formed in these schools. But some parents protested 'cause they thought the schools were condoning homosexuality, so they tried to get the students to change the name of GSA to --

Bun: -- Glee Club?

Americans in Madriz

Embassy guy: Yeah, so it's curious when you experience these kinds of exchanges...I've always learned Latin-American Spanish so it's always been interesting to compare different words for things. For example just the other day, I said I was "aparcando mi carro," and people were wondering why I still had a horse-drawn carriage.

---------------------------------


Embassy lady: So yeah, you gotta be careful, because these pickpockets are slick here. I mean when I was in Rome, they were throwing ketchup out of trees! Just unbelievable, some things... so when ketchup falls on you, don't look up, just keep your belongings very close to you.

Teef, and Teeth: How to Lisp Properly

Javi: Yeah, my dad gets tired because of the morfina they give him.
Mabel: Morfina? Morcina?
Javi: Morfina.
Mabel: Morcina o morfina?
Javi: Si, morcilla. They inject morcilla up his ass.

(morcilla = traditional Spanish blood sausage)

All-powerful and omniscient Google is the Be-all and End-all

Allison: haha
u know when u type on this chat thingy
i can see 'mabel lee is typing"
Yo: yeah
Allison: i thought it said mabel is le typing
Yo: LOL
Allison: i was like how did GCHAT KNOW?!

The Adventures of Bub and Ugly

Yo: need to go buy toilet paper, pronto!
brb
Ugly: SNORT!
ok

-------------------------------------

Ugly: omg
snorting rampage
it sounds like a pig farm
Yo: LMAO
hahaha
you guys are so mean
wait what was that other funny nickname
besides lambshank
Ugly: cancer
deadweight
Yo: nope
Ugly: michael flatley
Yo: HAHA YES!!

-------------------------------------

Ugly: ahhhhhh!!!
pig farm!!!

-------------------------------------

Ugly: ok
you need at least 2 cookies
1 is kinda weird
Yo: HAHA
but i do want a cookie
Ugly: suuuuuuuure, that's allllllll you want
Yo: haha
a big soft chocolate chip cookie!
Ugly: mehee hee
Yo: LOL
git yo' mind outta the gutter!
Ugly: i can't i'm in too deep!!

-------------------------------------

Last Hurrahs

Allison: Why am I listening to your bra?

------------------------------------------

Continuation of watching the Steve Harvey Show, without contacts

Mabel: Who´s that?
Allison: Uh, Regina...
Mabel: Oh, okay. So that one must be Steve Harvey.

------------------------------------

Allison: When I don´t have my glasses it´s like I´m seeing with a macro lens. You know, like one thing is in focus and the rest is blurry.

Mabel: Hmmm...yeah. For me, it´s like...when you put the cap on the camera lens.

------------------------------------

Susan: Yeah, Matt knows everybody. Somebody you know will know somebody who knows Matt.

Mabel: Matt really gets around.
Matt: Strong words coming from you, Mabel.
Mabel: Bwahaha, touche.

"Prelude to 'Mauled by an unattractive person pt. 2'"

Megan: [hand poised in mid-air, feeding me a dumpling across from a C-town soccer game]
Mabel: Bwahaa, I wonder what they think the dialogue is here.
Megan: Um, they probably don't have to wonder, I think they can hear everything we're saying.

-------------------------------------

Ugly: it went fine
she was more or less what i expected
ann taylor asian
but even nerdier than i thought
she wore glasses
and not the hip kind
i was not attracted to her at all

Yo: but was she smartly dressed

Ugly: just totally not my type

Yo: yeah
ho well

Ugly: she was dressed ok
more like ann taylor loft
hehe

-------------------------------------

Ugly: aww, ur leaving tomorrow
Yo: woo
ah know
:(

Ugly: booo

Yo: no more phone convos while stuck in traffic

Ugly: booo

Yo: ::goes to bawl in her room::

Ugly: lol
waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!

Yo: lol

Ugly: ....
waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!

Yo: WAAAAaaaAAAhhhAA

Ugly: waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!

Yo: heeheeheeee
::barf::

-------------------------------------

Ugly: afterwards i walked her back to the hotel
and i paid for my $30 parking fee
but she paid for dinner
so that was nice
then i went home and perused cl again

Yo: hahahaha
i like how that's the perfect end to a night
"then, like every night, i perused CL.

Ugly: :)

Yo: lol a common conversation i hear at home, is mom on the phone telling dad to buy a bunch of bananas
then, when dad gets home, mom usually complains about the bananas
"what the heck, does he not know how to buy things? these bananas are awful and expensive"

Ugly: lol
lord

Monday Night...

Mabel: Yeah, Chetra's afraid of boobs.
Chetra: Bwahaha, remember her? I made out with her at that party.
Mabel: Wait, did you :::makes boob grabbing motions::
Chetra: Uh, yeah.
Mabel: Bwaha, wait did you get turned on??
Chetra: Well...I was really drunk. And she was... a human being.
Mabel: Bwahaha. She breathed.
Allison: She had arms and legs.
Chetra: She existed.

---------------------------------------

Jewish chicks on J-date

Bub: What WAS that site called? Not e-harmony.....J-date, haha.
Ugly: Bwahahaha, I should sign up on J-date.
Bub: You could sign up on J-date. There are Asian Jews out there.
Ugly: Yeah, there are....well, there probably aren't.
Bub: I mean you could convert to Judaism.
Ugly: .....or NOT.

---------------------------------

Bub: Craigslist is okay, though. I mean it can be sketch at times.
Ugly: Craigslist is fine. If I were more serious, I'd sign up on one of those sites...but right now, I'm just testing out the temperature of the water, you know. And the temperature looks...BIG and BLACK.

Old Things

Yo: did i ever send you pics of my new haircut

Flo: nope

Yo: i have them on my phone

Flo: seeeeend

Yo: okay sending
i got my bangs fixed

Flo: ok i'm waiting

Yo: there's 2 pics coming
haha

Flo: still waiting

Yo: they're traveling through cyberspace as we speak

Flo: ok i'm staring at my phone

--------------------------------------------

Yo: this couple above me in hewitt would have sex all the damn time
from 9 in the morning til like the early afternoon
they'd do it at least 3 times
and the girl would sound awful
she sounded like

Flo: hewitt is the worst place to have sex. the sound carries far

Yo: some strangled chicken

Flo: HAHAHAHAHA

Yo: seriously

Flo: did you find out who it was?

Yo: like a really high pitched "uuuuhhhhhhhh" like a baby whining or something
this asian girl who i wouldn't ever wanna imagine having sex

Flo: HAHAHA
was she our year?

Yo: i dunno
i didn't really know her
she lived upstairs

Flo: did you ever see the guy?

Yo: yeah i looked her up on facebook
he was like some hispanic dude

Flo: wait show me

Yo: i saw them both once
and pointed to them

Flo: lol
pointed to them

----------------------------------------

Flo: wait, i went out with a hispanic guy. are you sure it wasn't me?
and i lived in hewitt

Yo: hahaha
you're not tubbish
i'm pretty sure it wasn't you
are you loud when you have sex?

Flo: LOL

-----------------------------------

Flo: i make noises during appropriate times

-----------------------------------

Flo: i get bored and then tired
and then i'm like "might as well sleep"
anyway,we should have a picnic
it should be part of our wknd ritual
pathmark picnic!
in prospect park!
look at that alliteration
you're not the only poet at 158 s portland ave

Stretchable Rubber Body Parts

Bub: He saw these when he was here, like just in a baggie without the toy label and all, and was like....::pick up, stare stare wtf::. I explained to him they were stretchable body parts, and he was just like "I don't wanna hear it....weirdos.."

Ugly: Bwahaha...well YOU'RE the one who's been leaving them all around. I had them put away at least.

Bub:[rofl] You had them put away and organized.

Ugly: In the spot for rubber body parts.

Focus, focus

Bub: [while stringing a guitar] Okay, so then, you wind this up so that the wire goes under for each round.

Ugly: [playing with plastic nose] Hmm, does this look like it's my nose? Or does it just look like a nose on a nose?

Bub: [struggling with strings] Like a nose on a nose.

Ugly: Oh, I know. I'll just cut out this middle part here so it'll fit. [gets scissors]

Bub: I can see that some serious work here is getting done.

I wanna go dancing

While watching a Bollywood version of the Thriller video

Bub: Haha, that's hilarious.

Mel: Do you wanna dance like that?

Bub: Yeah, that looks like it would be fun.

Ugly: You could do it in a basement.

Bub: But I can't do it alone, you guys need to dance too.

Mel: We'll just circle and clap.

At the Jazz Fest

Ugly: I wish they would play something I knew.

Bub: [as a beat starts] Well...maybe they will.

[raucous, poor quality jazz music is in full swing]

Bub: You mean....this ISN'T your favorite song?

Ugly: Bwahahaha...I usually like hearing my songs played one at a time....not all together like this. It's like all the musicians just happen to be onstage at the same time... "Ooh, you're here too. Ooh, I like what you're playing. What is it?"

------------------------------------

Bub: Doesn't the pianist look like Bette Porter?

Ugly: I guess I can see the resemblance.

Bette Porter look-alike: And now we have a surprise for you, ladies and gentlemen.

Bub: Ooh, she has a surprise.

Ugly: [sultrily] Ooh, I have a surprise for you...I'm going to show you mah boobies.

Killer Margaritas

Mel: They were banging on our door trying to come in, but good thing we locked the door. Then they left after a bit. We thought they were going to come rape and pillage us.

Ugly: What is the exact meaning of pillage?

Bub: Like, to steal and burn stuff.

Liz: To destroy everything.

Mel: [gets mango gruel in her nose from laughing]

----------------------------------------------

Ugly: [to Mel] I could see you as Garfield.

Cat and Mouse

Before cover of "Survivor"

Liz: So, just so you all know, I don't sing like Beyonce, but I'm gonna be attempting it anyway.
Mel: And I sing like the band member whose name no one knows.

After cover of "Survivor"

Mel: So I'm using a cheat sheet today because we had to lower it a half step, cuz Liz was saying how Beyonce was "tearin' her shit up..."

::while starting the next song::

Liz: ::sing sing, voice strangles:: bitch Beyonce....::sing sing::

---------------------------------------

At the Chicago Art Institute photo exhibit

Mabel: Dude that looks like it got cut out from a magazine from some hair salon in Chinatown.

Ugly: Haha, yeah...I don't know how some of these got in here, other than they were famous...for something else.

But I am le tired..

Me: le boo
Allison: le ahhh

---------------------------------------

Ugly: So we're thinking of having a barbecue on the lake front for labor day.
Me: Wait, you have a barbecue machine?

Or Claritin

Fernando: eyy, y tú has cambiado la foto
jajaaja
un poco cursi, no?

Yo: noooo
no es cursi!

Fernando: jajajaja

Yo: me gusta....

Fernando: un poco sí
la chica de las flores....

Yo: vale vale

Fernando: parece un anuncio de compresas

------------------

Fernando: Heyy, you've changed your photo
hahaha
a bit cheesy, no?

Me: noooo! it's not cheesy! i like it.

Fernando: a bit yeah
the flower girl

Me: Okay, okay

Fernando: looks like a commercial for sanitary napkins

Bun-isms

on MIKA:

vanessa: "If we go to one of his concerts, I will slap the gay out of him."

--------------------------------
overheard at the office:

gagan: "It's really hot right now."
bun: "I think you're just talking a lot."

Spoons and Compasses

Ugly: let's play spoon game

Yo: LOL
on the internet.

Ugly: yes
my spoon says "get bub"
how bout yours?

Yo: it says "ugly is lame."

Ugly: lol
oh
i thought it was going to say "get ugly"

Yo: haha um
"get ugly a life."

Ugly: oh oh
look, now it says
"who's the broke one at home downloading free music?"

Yo: LOL
humph.

Ugly: hey wouldn't it be funny if they invented a loser compass?
it would tell you who the losers are
hey why does mine always point at me?
it's broken.
am i talking to myself?

Yo: hahahahaha
mine always points northwest, apparently

Ugly: stay away from that direction!

Yo: yes, and keep all others there

----------------------------

Allison:[with all heated conviction] He IS selfish and egotistical! I mean, he was going to give us up in the spoon game!!!

Just like How Burning Candles Can Cause Cancer

While watching a movie scene in which someone is flying a remote controlled airplane

Dad: You know, those are actually really dangerous, you can lose control of the airplane and crash it into yourself.

The Bitter Angry Ex Synonym Game

Ugly: bitch.

Yo: HAHA
bag.

Ugly: trash bag.
wastebasket.
lol
dum(b)p trunk.
truck

Yo: hahaha
::bitterness::rantrant::
LOL DUMP TRUNK

Ugly: TRUCK

Yo: hahahaha
i like dump trunk

Ugly: compost pile
fly food.

Yo: landfill

Ugly: hefty sinch sack

When the Heater Guy Comes to Town

:::Loud violent banging:::

Me: O my god, I'm gonna KILL someone it's so loud.....
... like the heater guy.

Ugly: Bwahaha, go right to the source.

When asked to be co-chair of the Lesbo Organization

Ugly: I'm not an organizer....I'm not even organized!

And to spend eternity with the vampires in Anne Rice's novels

Ugly: come out and partay w/ me!
i'm doing a half marathon this sunday

Yo: awww
that's cute
i should come up there
you know, all my problems in life would be solved by 1) teletransport
and 2) immortality

Ugly: hm
what would immortality solve?

Yo: my desire to live forever.

toilet humour

Flo: I always lean forward when I take off my pants.

Reminiscing

Allison: YOU were piss-ass drunk while I had to deal with your needy-ass ex-boyfriend! You owe me one Mabel!!

Don't Just ASSUME Things.

Mabel: i updated CL again
i think you'll find it very amusing

Flo: is it the convo we had just 2 seconds ago?

mabel: hahaha no no

When Ugly Gets Stuck in Traffic

Mabel: Are you going to this After BBQ Party? Apparently I'm attending.

Ugly: "Apparently, I clicked the 'I will attend' button on Facebook."

------------------------------------------


Mabel: What is your husband doing right now?
Mom: My husband is-a ngun ngun gurk.

The Discovery of Gender Identities

After telling her that RY friended Flo on Facebook:

Ugly: Tell Flo to refer RY to me!! Tell her to use the friends' referral.

Mabel: Haha, we should form a "We Touched RY" group.

Ugly: "Touched by RY." MMm, I would like to touch Feist.

Mabel: Yeah yeah yeah me too!

Ugly: If there were a gay scale, with 10 being the most gay and 1 being the least, you would be a 5.

-------------------------------

Mabel: No, there should be one scale for sexual orientation and another for masculine and feminine.

Ugly: Okay, so on the gay scale, 10 being gay and 1 being straight, I'm definitely a 10. You'd be like a 3 or a 4. Bwaha! And then on the masculine-feminine scale...male being zero, since y'know, they're zeros...

Mabel: Bwahaha, amen.

Ugly: ...just like straights, HAHA..and straight men then are zero, zero. Double zero. Bwahaha! I'd be about a 7.

Mabel: Okay, so if you're a 7, I'd have to be an 8.

Ugly: Hey, this isn't a relative scale here....we should make this a facebook quiz and send it to everyone!

La bitch.

Megan: Ugh, God should've made me a dog. I mean, he's already made me a bitch.

We Have Contributed the Siesta

Ugly: Wait don't Europeans have passports each from their own countries?
Bub: No, they all have the EU passports now.
Ugly: Oh, really, didn't know that.
Bub: Yeah, isn't that weird? How all these countries suddenly are "the European Union." I mean, now even the Spanish are considered European.
Ugly: .....Bwahahaha!

Time for Our Weekly Rock-Hammering Outing

Yo: omg i just went to "free fun" on the phillymag site
it's ridiculously pathetic, the things they listed

Flo: what is it

Yo: Rate Donovan at Eagles training camp.
Hit rocks with a hammer at Ringing Rocks Park in Upper Black Eddy
See money get made at the U.S. Mint near 5th and Race.

Flo: HAHAHHAHA
hit rocks with a hammer
i love doing that!

Yo: omg why do i live here.

Flo: LOL
holy shit that is depressing

Yo: Fly a kite on Belmont Plateau.

Flo: LOL

Yo: dude that's the stuff people tell you to do when they tell you to get a life
Ride your bike on the Boardwalk. Any Boardwalk.
there are no boardwalks in philly.
Take a cell-phone tour of Valley Forge National Historical Park
See ships being built at the Independence Seaport Museum.

Flo: LOL
omg these are so hilarious
and lame

Yo: Bird-watch at John Heinz National Wildlife Refuge. h
http://www.phillymag.com/articles/endless_summer_fun_free_fun/
here you can see all of them yourself
hhahaha

Flo: my fav is hit rocks with a hammer
cuz that's my fav activity

Yo: hahahaha
right?
http://www.phillymag.com/articles/endless_summer_fun/
lmao i love how the article title is "endless summer fun"
cuz the fun never ends when you go rock-hammering

Haven't We Been Through This Before?

Ugly: who's googlyga?

Elephants on a Plain

Yo: i love "what if i leave"
i think it may be one of my favorite songs ever
like ever

Flo: really?
i like it but i'm not sure if it's ultimate fav

Yo: it's definitely one of my favorite RY
Flo: yeah i remember you telling me that it reminds you of elephants on a plain

Yo: hahahahhaha
omg i forgot about that
lmao
yeah it does

--------------------------------------------------

Yo: hahaha omg doesn't "what if i leave" remind you of slow elephants on a plain?

Ugly: yes

Yo: YESSS!!!!!
TUMOR TWINS UNITE!

Ugly: what if i leave... walking so slowly like this

Yo: like elephants on an african plain at sunset going to the watering hole right?

Ugly: would you walk faster and come after me?

Yo: hahaha

Ugly: would you grab my tail with your tender trunk?

Yo: hahah

Ugly: and tell me noooo, please dont go?

Yo: isn't it that image perfectly?

Ugly: i do love it

Overheard on CL

Yo: haha we've gone to a whole new level of procrastination

Flo: dude this is about as creative as i'm going to get at work
titling CL entries

Mopping the Floor with Comedy

Yo: isn't it way past bedtime, matey?
what am i saying
no, keep the 29483984th photo comment going

googlyga: baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahaha
jerk

Yo: :D

googlyga: i can't help it!!
i think of something new every time!!

Yo: haha
bursting with comedy

googlyga: chesty with comedy.
*dies*

Yo: haha whoa why is that bold all of a sudden

googlyga: oooh, i dunno
i think when you do this: ** sldjfslj **
but without spaces

Yo: um nope

googlyga: between the ** and ajsldfjs
"gchat - a primer" now available on CL

NYC

Scrabble

Kevin: Okay, we've got some "lune" on "lune" action here.


---------------------------------------

Mabel: Who the hell did "staked" and "do"?
Kevin: I did "staked" and "do". Then I realized I was stupid and could've added more to the "do."


---------------------------------------

[in the middle of the night]
Megan: You're snoring like a truck.

---------------------------------------

Tarnima: Do not! I will karate chop your arm off your arm.
Megan: Oh no, don't, unless you want an arm stump on your arm stump.

---------------------------------------

Playing Taboo

"Ariel and Ursula are?"
Tarnima: Fish!

---------------------------------------

Mabel: Wait, nobody is allowed to right click in your office??
Megan: No. Our IT programmer is retarded. The only people who are allowed to right click are like the senior partners. And they probably don't even know how to.
Flo: So, nobody right clicks in your entire office.

Philly +1

Flo: oh ok
i like philly cuz it's close to nyc
it seems like a likely compromise for me and kevin

Yo: it's like a little ghetto nook between the big cities

Flo: lol
i remember it being very dusty when i visited

Yo: hahahah
that's a nice way to put it

Flo: lol do you prefer "dirty"
i associate "dirty" with nyc

Yo: yeah but philly's just like....

slummy
at least nyc is grungy and interesting
philly's just ugly and boring
hahaha i love how i'm doing a great job advertising my city as a settling point for you guys

Flo: LOL

Yo: no i do love philly

Flo: well i remember you told me there's a lot of ugly people

Yo: it's got some great things

Flo: so we won't need to worry about infidelity

Yo: omg there are
HAHAHAHA
NICE

Flo: haha philly +1

Boob Grab Pt. 2

Flo: i'm looking at your rome pictures
do your parents know about javi?
me: nope not really
they saw my canary island pictures awhile ago and were just like, "oh look, it's a spanish guy...there he is again.."
Flo: LOL
"here he is again! .... and here... why is he grabbing your boob?"
"why are you naked with spanish man?"

Fun that is Obsolete

Javi: I'm having so much fun with you, Maggie!
Mabel: Hey, what about ME?
Ching: You're old news.

Meghan: I found a black hair coming from my chin today
Meghan: Did you notice that?
Allison: No, was it from me?
Allison: Or was it growing from your chin
Meghan: No like its growing
Allison: hahah
Meghan: WTF
Meghan: well as long as you didn't notice it

MJ died?

spunky azn 3: one less child molester on the streets

Luvyatobits: HAHAHHAAH

Luvyatobits: yah when i heard i was like MAYBE WE'LL FINALLY FIND OUT THE TRUTH!!!

spunky azn 3: hahah yeah

spunky azn 3: im sure he has crazy fans commiting suicide now that he's dead

Luvyatobits: yup

Luvyatobits: i cant wait till his kids are interviewed and write their first book

spunky azn 3: haha i hope they come out normal

Luvyatobits: ya seriously

Luvyatobits: either way, they are gonna have one hell of a story

spunky azn 3: yea seriously

spunky azn 3: what happens to neverland ranch

Luvyatobits: hahahah

Luvyatobits: what happens in neverland ranch, stays in neverland ranch

spunky azn 3: sounds like u speak from experience

Luvyatobits: HAHHAAHHA

Rrrregae-ton

Javi: "Dame más vaseliiiina....ponme más vaseliiiina."

At the Beach

Ugly: [singing a portion of a song] Can you name that one?
Mabel: Oh, come on, that's lazy man's "Name that Tune."
Ugly: At least it wasn't "Remedial Name that Tune," like earlier with Ching.

--------------------------

[Guy in "Munich" says "What an ugly baby" after his wife gives birth]

Mabel: That's so mean!
Javi: He's just kidding, do you really think anybody would say that about their own kid? I mean, you're the only person I know who calls one of their family members "Ugly"....

--------------------------

[in the car, after a day of being burnt by the sun)

Javi: [in passenger seat, reaching back with his arm, to Mabel] Your leg is hot.
Mabel: Yeah I know.
Ching: (thinking Javi is talking to him) What?
Javi: It's hot.
Ching: Oh.....uh...
Javi: Cuz it's burnt.
Ching: Oh, HER leg!

[hyena laughter all around]

--------------------------

Ching: [pulling up into rest stop] Hey look there's another Chinese restaurant.
Javi: No actually it's a hostal.
Ching: Oh, bwaha, I thought it said "HO TAI RESTAURANT."

(The S and half of the L from HOSTAL are unlit)

--------------------------

Ugly: Would am amoeba say "glub glub" or "womp womp?"

How to Tell Europeans Apart

Sitting outside the Palazzio Pitti, which is closed Mondays, observing all the disappointed tourists

American tourist [annoyed and reading the sign]: So what does that mean? Does that mean they're closed practically all year? So they're only open like the week after Christmas?

Mabel: So the Americans can't read the signs and they start complaining and get angry before they go away.
Javi: And the Spanish are pretty calm and start talking about how there's something similar and even better in Spain.

[blond Northern-European-looking couple arrive, read the sign, and leave silently]

Mabel: Bwaha and the Germans don't say anything at all, they just come and leave.
Javi: They understand that rules are made to be followed.

Estoy de Martes

In Class with Carmen and Marina


Carmen & Marina: [brattily sarcastic] Ooh, this was the game you were talking about? We didn't know, we just found out now.
Mabel [angry Spanish]: Or we can play the game of "copy all of the words we just learned three times," how does that sound to you, hmm??

[after copying for 3 minutes, Carmen passes over her finished sheet, sad and angry, and on the back of the sheet is written:]

"Mabel, No sé si a tí te gusta este juego pero a mi no."
(Mabel, I don't know if you like this game but I sure don't."

---------------------------------

Carmen writes on the board: "We cook chicken" after Marina acts out the words. Then proceeds to draw a box around the words, and a sign post below with a tag that reads "5 euros."

Carmen: La oferta de hoy! (Today's offer!)

---------------------------------

yo: jejeee
Ugly: nobody really laughs like that


---------------------------------

Yo: but seriously, what bug can get into tight pants
Ugly: LOL
i. dont. know.
Yo: lol
dammit
i thought you had all the answers to these things
what good is a tumor twin
if they can't even tell you the answer to that
Ugly: hmm, i dont know the answer to that one either, tumor.
Yo: you AREN'T the wielder of worldly knowledge after all :(
Ugly: tumor's dragging me down
ya big lug!
grow some legs, would you?
Yo: i HAVE
i walk around now
Ugly: lol
scary
Yo: hahaha
Ugly: glub... glub...
Yo: eww

A Different Kind of Chai

Silvia: What are you going to strain the tea with?
David: A sock.
Javi: Bwahahaha or one of my boxers hanging outside.

¡La Gripe Porcina!

Ugly: call dad
Yo: again?
is he afraid i have swine flu
Ugly: yea he called me over the wekend
Yo: what did he say?
Ugly: i guess
he wants to personally stress to you the importance of staying indoors, i guess
Yo: lol
Ugly: away from other living organisms
Yo: LOL
well that would be kinda hard, being a teacher
and not an amoeba
Ugly: LOL

------------------------------


Yo: so you took all your exams?
Allison: hahah yes
Yo: niiiice
Allison: i know
it feels so good to be done
Yo: yayyy
congrats!
i'm sure the last couple of weeks have been hell
so now what are you doing?
Allison: yess
i turned on my tv
lol
Yo: hahahaha
Allison: i haven't watched this thing for months
Yo: awesome
what are you watching
Allison: the disney channel
zack and cody live on a ship now
thats how much i missed
they used to live in a hotel!
Yo: hahahaha awesome

--------------------------------

Yo: yeah
poor wugly :(
Ugly: u talkin about me?
Yo: yeah
you = wugly
Ugly: LOL
so glad you're hear to cheer me up
Yo: awww
Ugly: hehe
Yo: mbot ahv course
Ugly: you turned my frown upside down at wugly!
Yo: lol
didn't i turn your frown upside down at back pains and pregnancy
Ugly: yes
that too

Basic Spaniard's Vocabulary

Julietta: besos!!
Yo: k, besitos
hasta luego!!!
Julietta: ta lohgoh!
Yo: hahaha
vengaaaaaaaaa!
Julietta: hehehe eshpañah
venga vale, vamos
Yo: vengavengavengavalevamos!

Blar blar

Patricia: [showing me pictures of guy on FB] Ves? Qué cerdo...que ascoso...ves? Ves? (See? What a pig...how disgusting...See? See?)
Mabel: Jajaja.
Patricia: Jo, pero me gusta muchisimo, eh? (Damn, but I like him so much.)

-----------------------------------

Chicken Wangs, Enrique-style

Enrique: Look, they're perfect, crispy on the outside and tender on the inside.
Javi: The only tender part I can taste here is the bone.

----------------------------------

Enrique: [about the left-over, charred wings]: These were made - these were made...
Javi: To last.


----------------------------------

Spider bites and spider torture

Enrique: So then I burned off all her legs first in the fireplace, and then I put the lighter to her.

Javi: What a beautiful story. You should've put her on your bed after burning off her legs and then had a chat with her. "Now why did you do that?"

Enrique: Bwahaha. Yeah, like "Okay, I either finish what I started, or you talk to me."

----------------------------------

Mabel: [after hyping up and telling ghost story] Isn't that story really creepy?
Javi: Well, no, but I think later when I'm alone I'll probably freak out.
Mabel: I know, right?! Like when I'm by myself and I think about...Wait, were you serious?
Javi: No.

"Eets not a duma."

Ugly: yo yo
mabel: watching the finals of "fama"!
it's the same as "so you think you can dance"
Ugly: does fama mean fame by any chance?
mabel: yep
the whole title is "fama.....a bailar!!"
Ugly: LOL
mabel: lol it is
what's so le funny
Ugly: do you remember a movie called Fame?
starring Jennifer Beals
you wouldnt remember it but may have heard of it
should have
mabel: hmmnope
Ugly:
Fame has an awesome theme song
you should look it up and listen
perhaps look on youtube for the video as well
mabel: haha really
it's a movie?
Ugly: yea from the 80s
mabel: ohh
like jennifer beals as in whatshername
Ugly: yea! :)
mabel: what is her name
Ugly: hottie mc hots
mabel: i was just gonna say that!
Ugly: lol
no way!!!
mabel: not hottie mc hots but
Ugly: lesbo
mabel: hottie
something or other
WHAT WAS HER NAME
lol
Ugly: Duma Tweens!
mabel: lol what's that
Ugly: that's arnold schwartzie saying Tumor Twins!
mabel: LOL
where did the schwartzenegger accent come from
and what is her name!!!
Ugly: there's some movie he made where he said, "Eets not a duma!"
mabel: LMAO
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Bn8CtkDOCE
Ugly: heheeh
Bette!!
mabel: lol finally
you forgot yourself didn't you!
Ugly: no
mabel: hahah
Ugly: i was thinking you'd remember eventually
mabel: hottie mcbette

Each to His Own Amnesia

[at the metro station]

Mabel: You're gonna throw me into the trash can.
Javier: Every thing in its place, eh...every person in his place.

[later, looking and pointing at the map]

Javier: [in Italian accent] Paseo de Santa Mariiia de la Cabeeeza....Parque de San Isiiiidro......Antonio Looopez......

[discovering and pointing at Center for Patients of Alzheimer's] Bwaha -- Centro Día de los Enfermos de Alzheeeeimer.

Mabel: Bwahahahaha.

Javier: That's where I belong.

Name that Tune Skillz

mabel: have you ever heard of that song
all i wanna do isa :: bang bang bang:: and uh :: trigger:: cash register sound:: and take yo' moneh
Ugly: LOL
mabel: LOL
Ugly: NICE!
mabel: hahah have you?
Ugly: that was dead on!
mabel: heheheheh
yeah i like that song

"Don't say the Word" Game part 2

[the word being "cannibal", without saying eat, people, or person]

Jose: Okay, so, it's a thing...that I heard they do in for example...in African tribes.
Mabel: Okay...and it's strange?
Jose: No, no not strange... Okay, so one guy is dead. And it's what is necessary for the other guy to do to the other gay for to live.
Mabel: The other gay?
Jose: No, the guy, the guy.
Mabel: Hmm..
Jose: Or, you know the one time, with the football team in the airplane, and they were in the mountains?
Mabel: Football team in the mountains...nope.
Jose: Gah, okay for example, you -- have lunch.
Mabel: Uh huh...

"Padel" Ball

Mabel: [after having played once, a month ago] Okay, so it's easier with two pairs.
Javi: Yes, it's easier with four people...but, you have to hit the ball.
Mabel: Bwahah, oh, you have to hit the ball? Well I must've mistaken it the last time we played.
Javi: Yeah, I forgot to tell you that part of the rules.

Haggis and Other Related Things

John: cows stomache is OK

not as good as the offal in haggis

----------------------------

Home-made sushi

Mabel: Well, it's not THAT bad...
Javi: It's not bad bad BAD bad....it's just bad bad.

-------------------------

Imitation British/ Catullus

Javi: [with look of bored nerd] That'th......utterly.....and abtholutely............... hilariouth.

GOD IS GREATS!

The only reason why a lesbian would be so excited to get her period: so she doesn't have to suffer the pains of menstruation while trekking through the Swiss Alps

Ugly: OOOH I'M SO EXCITED!!
GOD IS GREATS!
GREAT!
I GOT MY PERIOD!!

Prepping for Eurotrip

Ugly: I got all my gear already. I even tested out the sleeping bag.
Mabel: Oh, how was it?
Ugly: It was good. I actually slept in it.
Mabel: Like for the night?
Ugly: Yeah, I put it on my bed, and I even zipped it all the way up and put on the hood.
Mabel: Bwahaha, what a dork! Did you open your windows to simulate a natural environment?
Ugly: No, I just slept in the nude. They say that's the best way to keep warm in a sleeping bag.
Mabel: Uh yeah, that or, wearing all the clothes you have.

Semana Santa Trip

Gigantic ice cream cone saga

At the heladería

Javi: [watching the man put scoop after scoop of cappuccino flavored ice cream into the "grande" cone] O my god, she's not going to sleep for 3 days. And I'll remember you for this.

Walking while eating gigantic ice cream cones

Mabel: [Tripping over a curb]
Javi: Thank God I'm here to save your life.
Mabel: You saved my ice cream cone, thanks.
Javi: No, your life, because you would save your ice cream before you saved your life.


Still eating after having licked off half the entire scoop

Javi: Now this is like the size of a normal ice cream in Madrid.
Mabel: Haha, half an hour later.


Still later, on a bench, finally having reached the cone

Mabel: So how do you like the cone?
Javi: I hate it. [talking to ice cream, taking bites intermittently] Why are you still here? Just get out of my life already, go away and leave me alone.

Still later

Javi: Mmmm, I'm really liking this ice cream...
Mabel: Aren't you sick of it?
Javi: Of course I'm sick of it.

Finally finished

Javi: We're gonna see the ice cream man tomorrow and you'll say to him, [spastically] "Mmm, I loved that ice cream! So good! I want another! I had sex with my boyfriend like 20 times in the last three days! Got rid of him. Really good method, I think I'm going to write a book: 'First, go to San Jose in Almería and buy the grande size cappuccino ice cream...'"

Oh, young love

Ugly: Oh, young love....to feel that again
Mabel: only one of us is young ;)
Ugly: LOL

------------------------------
Car Rentals...I missed that, say it again?

Javi: Yeah that was a good price for five days, but the amount for nine days like a couple weeks ago was about 190. For nine days.
Mabel: [stares boredly] Uh huh.
Javi: [pause] For NINE!

The Detholate Village of Madrid

Javi: [singing to Jane's Addiction] Have you seen my wig arouuund. [Normal speech, confused] Have you seen my wig around?!

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Yo: just spent like 15 minutes trying to tape my windows shut
tis a windy city today!
Ugly: what are you taping with?
Yo: we tried to tape it with duct tape
but it didn't work
so now i have a chair over the window with books on it
Ugly: lol
how charming
drafty house in little spanish village on an extraordinarily windy day
Yo: haha
Ugly: with poor college students
trying to stay warm
Yo: i live in the capital of spain!
little village...
haha
Ugly: lol
Ugly: i always imagine you to be in a little hut on the outskirts
Yo: i have all these picture cards all over the floor of my room
noun cards
Ugly: walking in sandals and flowered dresses on a dirt path to the village school
Yo: HAHA
that'll be next year

Cheeth Curlth

Yo: i had some miso soup
Ugly: sweet!
Yo: after the cheese curls
Ugly: didnt know u had chiz gurls
u seem to have an endless supply of chiz gurls
Yo: haha
didn't i tell you i was eating cheese curls
Ugly: actually the proper taglish would be jizz gurlz
no u didnt
Yo: yuh huh!
i must've mentioned cheese curls like 4 times in the last 2 days
Ugly: nyuh uh.
Yo: lmao
HAHA
Ugly: yea but not TODAY
Yo: yuh huh!
Ugly: nyuh uh.

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Ugly: you improperly titled that post "cheeth curlth" when it was referred to the whole time as chiz gurls

Me: You know how Ted Hughes left Sylvia Plath for another woman? Well, that woman also committed suicide by sticking her head in the oven. She also killed their daughter.
Lauren: Toxic bachelor.

Brilliant W/out Boobs Cont'd

mabel: finally going to get my hair cut today
ugly: ooh
got paid?
mabel: got some extra cash
ugly: been standing on the corner?
mabel: and by extra i mean it replaces all the cash i spent on the weekend
hahaa
yes, using my boobalicious teacher brains
ugly: LOL
mabel: whoring my curvy intellect
ugly: HA
very nice
mabel: mehehehe
i'm kinda afraid
but i just can't wait to get all this weight off my head
ugly: afraid of what?
mabel: of my new haircut
or, of going to get it cut
ugly: oh, literally
weight
off head
yes it feels great
mabel: haha
a boob reduction
ugly: haahaha
brilliant
mabel: heheheee
i love this new metaphor of ours
it's genius
and i love boasting about my boobs now
ugly: absolutely
hahaha
mabel: i'm a new woman.
ugly: good for you
don't bust your boobs

on overcoming self-directed homophobia...

the ex: you mean all of that girl-on-girl sex didn't help her get over her homophobia?
backup gf #3? (me): no, because nobody else was there. now, if you had had girl-on-girl sex in public, that would be a sign of progress.
the defected: (imitating the homophobe ex-gf) yea, brad, i have something to show you... no, i can't tell you. i have to show you (maniacal laughter all around!)

Lower East Side -- waiting at the crosswalk

White mother to white child: Okay, now we have to wait for the white man.
*Megan and Flo look at each other*
Megan and Flo: BWAHAHAHAHA
*Megan and Flo walk away*

Our Tribute to Aaliyah

mabel: cuz i really need somebody
tell me you're that somebody
ugly: wahhh waaaahhh
mabel: LMAO
::rattle rattle::

I Miss You, Albornoz!

Mabel: I just hate waking up in the morning. A lot.

Javi: Nobody does, I mean do you think I wake up in the morning clapping or something? "Come on, Javi, let's go let's go! Woooo to work!"

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The Albornoz Saga Continues

Javi: Aren't you hot?
Mabel: No.
Javi: ... warm?

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Monica: Tengo un barco y nosotros todos vamos a Filadelfia remando.

"This weekend I was mauled by an unattractive girl."

ugly: i met this girl through a friend
danced with her, no big deal
i was not attracted to her
i just wanted to dance
mabel: hahaha
ugly: in a little while i suggested we go on the platform where other crazy people were dancing crazily
mabel: "let's get that clear."
ugly: lol
yes
thats the key
anyway, not thinking that on the platform, she can trap me in a corner
and she did and i felt mouth all over mine
and i was slightly disturbed and definitely not interested
i backed her up and continued dancing
but then i didnt even want to dance w/ her anymore
mabel: LMAO
hahahaha
ugly: so i said i needed to go cool down
mabel: did she maul you just once
ugly: once or twice
twice
mabel: lmao
ugly: it was true that i was sweatin like nuts
so we went to the bar
tried to make conversation
but she wasn't very interesting to converse w/ either
after a while i went lookin for will
so i could leave
mabel: haha
okay
and she attacked again!
ugly: no
but we passed each other a couple other times as i was trying to leave
'cause will was having another drama-filled night
crying w/ his bf
gawd
i left.