Drivin' in the Hood

Mabel: [doing a semi-proper K-turn in the middle of North Philly]
Crazy Woman: You can't fuckin' turn here! That's illegal!
Mabel: Uhhh...what?
Allison: Just go.
Crazy Woman: You're just fuckin' up our community!

Mabel: So I wanna get a perm.
Allison: Ooh, yeah you should.
Mabel: But just like a wavy perm. Do they have lots of different wave sizes?
Allison: Yeah, you have to ask for the big one..................That's what SHE said!

Allison: Just got my mcat books [blah blah blah] mcat books, I can't believe how many mcat books I have.
Mabel: [several times] What the hell are meat books??
Allison: MCAT. MCAT BOOKS.

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Allison: Yeah, so we're going camping.
Mabel: Oh wow, awesome.
Allison: And we're gonna go catch lobsters.
Mabel: Cool, are you guys doing the real thing, like are you guys gonna be tenting?
Allison: Ummmm, I'm not sure about hunting...

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Mabel: So I'll be picking you up at your house.
Julietta: Wow, Mook, you're such an advanced being! I'm like...a monkey!

The Grocery Trip

Flo and Mabel are shopping at Pathmark. They grab broccoli, spinach, carrots, apples, and mushrooms and put them into the shopping cart. As they are wandering in the cheese section, they notice that the cart, which was originally parked in the aisle, has disappeared and is nowhere to be found. So after a minute of looking, they grab an empty cart that's lying around and begin Take 2 of their vegetable hunt. Flo, (again) carrying a head of broccoli, saunters de-ja-vu style towards the new shopping cart, and Mabel once again grabs a bag of spinach and places it into the basket of the cart. As they refill their cart with the former items, they park the cart on the side of the aisle to look at other items. Suddenly, Flo notices in the middle of the aisle a cart with similar items and asks, "Wait, is that our --" and upon peeking further out the aisle, they both notice yet another cart parked behind it off to the side, shopping cart #2 with the same exact items in their respective places: broccoli, spinach, carrots, apples, and mushrooms. :::Cue laughter for 10 minutes:: "That definitely was not there a minute ago. Dude, this is like the twilight zone."

Genetically-engineered Turkeys

Neil: It was great hearing all about how the aborigines used to live in Barcelona, back when the earth was first created (10 yrs ago). Remember to bring $70 USD or perhaps an apple pie when you come over for your guitar lesson.

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Neil: So I made a whole batch of turkey burgers the other night.
Mabel: Turkey burgers? How did you make them?
Neil: Well, I've been engineering this turkey from DNA in the lab and it was growing and - it's too sad to talk about it.
Mabel: Haha.
Neil: No, actually, so I went into this grocery store.
Mabel: Oh, grocery store, hmm.
Neil: Yeah, I dunno if you've heard about those.

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Mabel: Okay, so you pre-made these frozen turkeys.
Neil: Yes, I pre-made them before I made them. Then I post-made them by eating them.

Two Men and a Truck

Mabel: Everyone's moving to California. Mom and dad should move, too... Nah, that's too far.
Maggie: Too far for what?
Mabel: Too far from New York.
Maggie: Too far to move your shit.
Mabel: Noo, too far to see me. To have a normal parental relationship with their kid.
Maggie: Parental relationship equals moving shit. Parents are just shit-movers.
Mabel: Haha, yeah.
Maggie: Have you heard of "Two Men and a Truck?"
Mabel: No.
Maggie: They're a moving company out here in Chicago.
Mabel: Like two gay men and a truck?
Maggie: Noo, it's just two strong men and a truck.
Mabel: Two strong gay men and a truck.
Maggie: Well, you'd probably have to pay extra for them to be gay.
Mabel: As per usual...(absentmindedly) So, wait, there's actually two men in the truck?
Maggie: Yes, it's a moving company and they give you two men.
Mabel: Two men to drive and help you move stuff.
Maggie: Yes. Exactly.
Mabel: Why can't it be just "Two People and a Truck?" Why do they have to be men?
Maggie: Well, they ARE two people in a truck, but they both just happen to be men.
Mabel: Why can't they also hire butch women? They can do the job too.
Maggie: I dunno, it's a small company, it's not like a franchise. They don't have like interchangeable roles.
Mabel: Hahaha.
Maggie: Today, Strong Man #1 will be played by...Butch Woman #1. And Strong Man #2 will be played by even Butcher Woman #2.

At the MET, Temple of Dendur

Maggie (impersonating carvings): "We're going to keel you!" "Wait, here, have some apples."
Mabel: "But we can only offer them to you like this cuz we're in 2-d."
Maggie: "2-and-a-half D. We're in relief."

At Pink Berry

B: (taste-testing the green tea flavor) Hey doesn't this look like one of those troll dolls?